Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Gay In The Water

Opening credits. Commercials. Being a longtime fan of both U2 and iPods, the new Apple/U2 "Vertigo" commercial is about as good as commercial advertising gets for me. Jesus, just charge my credit card already, guys. You had me at Bono counting off in Spanish. If you were selling aged turds, I'd be trying to find a way to order them online.

The Talon at night. The American flag flies proudly. Town pride? Not so much. Lana, who is still boycotting pink, comes over to tend to her shirtless boyfriend, who got sprayed a bit by that falling glass. She's applying something on gauze, and he winces and says, "Ow, ow, ow" before she even touches him. He says he's practicing. Lana says that's good, because his cut is really deep. You mean the one time someone needs real medical attention, they decide to take him to Lana's loft? If you guys are just sparing me a hospital scene, I appreciate it, but damn. That cut looks nasty. Lana applies a tiny Band-Aid to a five-inch gash. She's Florence Retardingale. Jason, in the throes of pain, says that Clark moved really fast to save him. "I need to get him off the bench," Jason says. Billy Ocean runs in and sings, "...and into my car!" Everybody stops and just stares at Billy Ocean. Billy Ocean backs away slowly and leaves the room without another word, then gets on a plane to perform at a state fair in Wyoming. Jason says it shouldn't be hard to find a spot for Clark on the team. He asks Lana jokingly if they still expel students for taking a potshot at a coach. Lana frowns and says this isn't funny. If you're the one who has a deep cut on your shoulder, I think you're allowed to joke about it. Get used to this, Jason: a humorless vacuum of a relationship. Lana bitches that she had to find out about the shooting through Chloe. Lana says she wanted to scream but couldn't because she didn't want to draw attention about dating a school coach. Hey, at least you're not dating Michael York. Jason stands and puts on his shirt while he changes the subject to his piss-poor finances. He says he'd buy Lana's happiness with dinner and flowers, but his dad cut him off. He followed his heart instead of going to business school. Shouldn't Lana already know all this? Jason explains that he can't lose this job; he likes it, and it works with his college schedule. Jason apologizes that their relationship is under the radar. Lana kisses him. She says she's never been happier. She says it's frustrating not being able to share that. Jason advises her to take out her frustrations on him. She does so by kissing him again.

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