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Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
Twin Heads Make One Big Ass

Now we're in some sort of blacklit lab/barn/something-or-other where Tool Boy takes off his sweater. Is this his lab? The back of The Talon? Where the fuck are we? He takes off his shoes. Shows off his scrawny-ass chest. Pants and belt are gone. I don't need to see this. Honestly. Tool Boy breathes all deep, furthering the Young Val Kilmer illusion. He suddenly grunts. The special-effects budget is depleted to the point where we see this in shadows: Some shape emerges from Tool Boy's back. Then we do see his back, and a little head comes out. How handy! Hey, guys, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think we'd all like a little head once in a while. Back to the shadow-puppet thing. This is like a Tool video made on a $3 budget. Another Tool Boy emerges and hits the ground with slightly hairy legs. The second version is slightly shorter and has less poofy hair. He's Not-so-Mini-Tool-Boy. They don't have a handshake or anything to greet each other.

Outside The Talon, it's dark. Chloe picks up one of the Doofusgangers while Lana walks out with the other. I don't want to live in a world with two Jonathan Taylor Thomases. I really don't.

Commercials. Reign of Fire on DVD. When you see it on the rental shelf, try to remember why you didn't go see it in theaters in the first place.

Kent Farm. Clark is doing some toaster-oven cooking. Bo emerges on crutches, and I have to laugh. Clark nags Bo that he's supposed to be taking it easy. "I slept in 'till 6, didn't I?" Bo asks. Har de fuckin' har. Bo asks about various chores, but Clark's already done them all. Why do they need a Bo Duke at all? MamaKent comes downstairs in an orange shirt and jeans, not her usual business attire. She says she's going to stay home until things settle down. Bo says he doesn't want his accident to disrupt the family. Clark directs Bo to the couch. Bo says he can rest just as well greasing the bearings on the tractor as sitting on the couch. Isn't that how he smashed his leg in the first place? Bo needs to chill the fuck out. After Bo leaves, Clark tells MamaKent that she shouldn't blame herself for the accident. MamaKent says that the farm is a partnership, and that she hasn't been doing her share. Clark says she took the job to help the farm, and no one expects her to be in two places at once. Kill me. Kill me now. MamaKent still feels guilty.

Smallville High's hallway. Metal Shop has been cancelled and all students are to report to Study Hall. Clark is surprised, since Squat hasn't missed a day before. How does Clark know that? Isn't Clark gone half the time? Pete says that's good for the metal-shop-impaired. Pete suddenly says, "Hey, check out Lana's new study buddy!" Tool Boy is hanging by Lana's locker, trying to do the cool lean thing with the white t-shirt and dark overshirt. It's disgusting. The closest analogy I can think of was when Corey Feldman thought it would be cool to dress and dance like Michael Jackson in Dream a Little Dream. It's just a visceral gut reaction: No. Lana doesn't mind, apparently. Pete asks if Clark is jealous. "Lana and I are just friends," Clark says, lamely. "Right," Pete says, and walks off.

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