Have you had enough of Oliver moping and wallowing in self-pity and opining about his rotten soul? Were you glad when that whole, long, laborious story arc about his descent into self-doubt and self-destruction was resolved? Well, too bad, because all that's back in this episode. Oliver's crazy old archery mentor is also back, and he's Dr. Sexy from Supernatural, aka Dark Archer, about whom we have never heard one iota even though he apparently played a major part in Oliver's training and mental molding. He takes aim first at Lois, landing her in the hospital with an arrow through the shoulder; then he goes after Chloe, but inflicts naught but a flesh wound [This was Oliver's teacher? He's not a very good shot. -- Angel]; then he kidnaps Mia (the teen hooker/fighter from a past episode who Oliver is training) and drops her off in a hedge maze that looks like a Spirograph. All this is supposed to be because Oliver took some vow when he belonged to Dark Archer's Dark Archery Cult of Darkness, about how he would never have any lovers, allies, or disciples. Dark Archer lures Oliver to the hedge maze and taunts him about that old Smallville chestnut, the "darkness within" or some crap like that. Then he challenges Oliver to kill him for the inane and out-of-left-field reason that he's getting older (he's, like, ten years older than Oliver) and is mentally and physically not what he used to be. Oliver shoots him, but just to debilitate him so that he can then grow even older in prison.
You may notice I haven't even mentioned Clark yet. That's because he's basically relegated to the background. He fusses at Zod when the latter goes to visit Lois in the hospital and he fusses at Chloe when she confesses she once kidnapped Oliver in order to save him. He's also apparently dating Lois for real, which for about two seconds they think might be driving Oliver so insane with jealousy that he's formed an evil split personality. That potentially interesting subplot is almost immediately dropped and they quickly discover that Dark Archer is the one to blame for all the mayhem. Question is, who's to blame for this episode? Stay tuned for the full recap to find out.
Kristen Kreuk is more tolerable on Chuck. We think the rest of the cast should make the move.
Previously on Smallville: Zod chewed a lot of scenery and pouted because he and his soldiers don't have super powers on Earth; Clark decided to befriend Zod and company and got a bunch of kneeling in return; Clark got mad about Chloe wiring his house for surveillance; Oliver was all pouty about his true self and burned his Green Arrow outfit; Oliver was thankful when Chloe had him kidnapped and mindfucked in order to prove he's still a hero; Oliver rescued teen prostitute Mia from the streets and trained her to fight; Lois briefly thought Clark was the Blur but was eventually convinced otherwise; Clark and Lois started dating and kissing.
Welcome back from the winter hiatus! How did you all pass the time? I spent my time off watching and re-watching all the episodes of White Collar. My brain feels all refreshed and smart and excited about TV again. Let's see how long that feeling lasts as we dive back into the murky depths of Smallville, shall we?
Metropolis, night. Clark and Lois are just winding down from an evening of charity fund-raising, according to the marquee over the theater doors they're exiting. Sappy romantic music plays. Lois pats herself on the back for contributing to some poor kid's shoe supply via her purchase of crantinis at the bar. I think "crantini" sounds like the name of a hack magician. With a simple mixing of cranberry juice and vodka, he'll make your bladder infection disappear and give you a buzz all at the same time! Clark snarks about the multiple children Lois helped with all her drinking, not that he was keeping count. She admits she was a little nervous since it was "kind of" their first outing as a couple. Clark pouts, "Emphasis on the 'kind of.' You wouldn't even let me help you with your coat!" Lois reminds him they at least held hands. Clark counters that that was only because Lois wanted to steal his hors d'oeuvres. This exchange is all happening in a light, teasing tone, but it still makes me want to pull a Moonstruck and slap them both, hard. Snap out of it! They're walking to their cars and talking about how Tess didn't seem to mind her reporters dating each other. So Tess isn't in jail for kidnapping Lois or trying to kill Stuart? I'm positively shocked. Clark seems not at all worried that he's possibly exposing Lois to even more scrutiny from Tess, because remembering things from week to week makes Clark's head hurt. Lois notes that Oliver seemed less happy and left as soon as she and Clark arrived. Clark says Oliver will get over it. "Well, it is a lot to get your head around," Lois says. "I mean, Clark Kent and Lois Lane. Who knew?" Thunk. With that anvil blow to the head, I feel myself lose a couple of IQ points. They stop and smile dopily at each other for a while. Clark invites Lois to go back to the farm for a walk. Smallville moves closer and closer to Metropolis every week. "I could give you Clark Kent's tour of the galaxy," he offers. Just don't be in any rush to show her Uranus. She starts to snark about him not knowing about any other planets (thunk!) but he cuts her off with a kiss. She notes that this is their fifth date and doesn't want to rush into things like she usually does, because she wants to get things right with Clark. With that, they stare at each other for a while and say their good-nights. Then they stare some more. Luckily, Clark's superhearing picks up a woman screaming for help in the distance and he beats a hasty retreat to go help this off-screen damsel in distress, leaving Lois flustered and alone.