Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: D | Grade It Now!
Ready... Aim... Misfire!

LuthorCorp, the Corp with no Luthors. Oliver strides into his office, which looks not at all secure, and over to a display of metal tubes arranged horizontally against one wall. He pulls a lever that anyone walking inside could pull. One of the tubes slides open, revealing a rolled-up leather bundle, marked with a Spirograph. There are arrows inside, identical to the one that injured Lois. Oliver picks up one of the arrows, studying it as tense music plays. A faraway look comes across his face. "Bored again," he whispers hoarsely. I know how you feel, buddy. I replay the scene and realize he's actually saying "Vordigan." What kind of weirdo name is that? It sounds like some kind of evil sweater or something, like a cardigan that Voldemort would wear.

There are no sweaters for Vordigan, however, evil or otherwise - as we see in the next shot, he has the same affinity for shirtlessness as Oliver. As the camera pans from right to left, we see a long, jagged scar on his forearm that looks like it was made with school paste and fruit roll-ups. The mysterious Vordigan wraps his knuckles and then his ribs with a roll of gauze for some reason I can't fathom. It doesn't seem sturdy enough to provide any support. I think he just wanted to treat us to the sight of his incredibly beefy torso. He has a Spirograph tattoo between his shoulder blades and more fruit roll-ups, too. He slips into a sleeveless black leather ensemble and packs up his gleaming arrows. Only now do we see his face as he stands before a cheval mirror, admiring his handiwork. As I mentioned in the recaplet, it's Dr. Sexy from Supernatural. Apparently, the actor, Steve Bacic, also played a mechanic in the pilot episode of Smallville, but I remember him not at all. He must have been wearing clothes then. Here he has a stiff-looking forked beard tipped with gray. Or maybe some of that school paste got on him when he was gluing on the fruit roll-ups. He gives himself one last look in the mirror and lifts his hood into place. Time to hit the leather bars!

Hospital. Lois is in her room, tapping away at a laptop computer, reading about different kinds of arrows. The door opens and she happily calls out to Clark without looking up. Except it's actually Zod, and he's arrived bearing a bouquet of flowers. Lois tells him he must have the wrong room. He introduces himself as Clark's old friend Zod, who was just in the neighborhood, donating blood, and thought he'd pop in for a visit. Lois says Clark's never mentioned him. "And being a championship wrestling fan, I'd definitely remember a name like that." I wonder why he doesn't go by Dru or even Drew while on Earth, the way Clark sometimes goes by Kal? I guess "Kneel before Drew!" just doesn't have the same ring to it. Zod says he's heard all about Lois. She smiles, flattered, because his vaguely menacing, creepy demeanor isn't tipping her off. He flatters her some more, telling her that Clark wasn't exaggerating about her. She presses him on how he knows Clark. "We've got a lot of history together," he says. He promises to take her out when she's feeling better and tell her all about the real Clark Kent. "I'm not sure even Clark's parents know the real Clark Kent," she says. Zod chuckles. "You mean Clark's adoptive parents," Zod corrects her. Lois says Clark doesn't know anything about his real parents. Zod slyly agrees. He casually gives her a small gold charm that he lies about buying from some kids in the hospital. There's a Kryptonian symbol on it. On his way out, he pauses and says, "You tell that Clark Kent he's a very lucky man." Lois smiles. I can't tell if she's wary of him or if the ominous music in the background just makes everything seem suspicious.

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