Episode Report Card
admin: B- | 2 USERS: C

This episode is brought to you by the letter B. Also, by the insect "bee." And, if I had my wish on, by B.B. King. If The Beatles had written this episode, they would have just let it be.

Stupidest alt-crap song ever plays. It's like the mating call for frat boys. Somebody should digitize it, put it on a little microchip, and let it play in baseball caps with clip-on headphones. As the music plays, a CGI-animated bumblebee goes and gets his freak on with a bunch of flowers. Then he flies off, and we pan along with him, like the opening of Men in Black, only not as clever or cool. As the bee passes, we see the front of Smallville High, where the "Fly to Victory!" banner has finally been replaced by a sloppy, almost unreadable one that says, "School elections." The bee comes back down on some more school election signs taped to tables.

The bee flies around Chloe, who is holding a camera and asking a girl named Sasha to "say something presidential." The girl -- who is actually very cute but dressed up to look nerdy in big glasses and frumpy clothes -- tells Chloe to slow down, reminding her that the election hasn't even started yet. Chloe sits next to Pete (Pete!) and asks him what he thinks Sasha's chances are. Pete surmises that Sasha's been involved in student government, she's worked her way up, and she's been on lots of committees, but she's more of a worker than a leader. He stops just short of saying she's a "worker bee." God bless restraint. Chloe nods and asks about Paul as we pan over to an Asian dude in glasses who's talking to some other students. Pete says that Paul is certainly the most qualified, but that elections are about popularity. The camera swings back violently, as if this show is being shot from the big Viking boat ride at Six Flags. Pete then allows the camera to swing back for Felice, a head cheerleader and president of the drama club. She's very WB pretty in that overrated, bland, Tara Reid kind of way. We see her smiling and dressed in pink, like she's trying to be all Legally Blonde. Pete says she's got the edge, what with her popularity and also the fact that she's hella hot. Whatever, Pete. Now he's all selectively horny? What about Sasha? Don't girls with glasses need love, too? Chloe complains that Felice's name rhymes with the French word for luggage. Chloe's rhymes with the English word for a know-it-all: "Showy." Pete says he's glad Chloe's not reaching for reasons to hate her. The truly awful song is still playing, talking about pinkeye and bong hits. This song makes me feel like drinking shots and asking complete strangers out on dates.

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