Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | 2 USERS: C

The notion that T.G.I. Friday's actually has a "school" where its chefs learn to "cook" is so funny that I almost drop my remote.

Smallville High hallway. Pete, Chloe, and Clark are walking. Clark is reading a story about DorkPaul's encounter with the evil swarm. Pete says that's his worst nightmare; he swells up if he gets stung by one bee. Be careful, Pete. Next time they want you to be absent for an episode, they'll just explain it by saying you're nursing a bee sting. Clark asks how bees got into DorkPaul's bathroom. Easy. He's smooth like honey. It was inevitable. Chloe says some environmental investigators are coming in to find out what happened. Pete says it's going to disrupt the election. Chloe says it won't, because the president won't take office until fall, and DorkPaul will be back in non-stung form by then. Pete says Paul will get a few sympathy votes, but that a new candidate is on the horizon. They all stop short when they see a big banner that reads "Clark Kent for President." Totally serious, Clark says to Pete, "What have you done?" Pete sells it to Clark, saying that Clark's straightforward and people like him. Clark starts to freak out. He's giving DorkPaul a run for his dork dollar. Pete says Clark has it all -- looks, brains, farmboy charm, a barn suitable for make-out sessions. Pete keeps on talking as if he's making up for all the lines he didn't have in past episodes. Clark asks why Pete didn't run. Pete says he's "the guy behind the guy." I thought that was Lex's most vaunted position. Pete continues to egg Clark on as we pan across the banner. Chloe snarks about politicians not being great leaders. Pete leads a hallway chant of "Clark, Clark, Clark!" Everybody joins in. Chloe smiles. Clark looks embarrassed.

Country road in the fall. I have completely given up trying to keep track of the seasons on this show. The season is: Vancouver. A strapping bald man is driving an even more strapping silver sports car down the road. A Lexmobile? I think it is. Lex drives by a red car sitting next to a woman in a red outfit; she's bent over and looking under the hood. She's in a short skirt, and her legs are hanging out like an invitation.

Lex cranes his neck and pulls over. He gets out of the car and starts dialing his cell phone. He tells the woman that she looks like she needs help. It would be so funny if she got up and it was Papa Luthor. The woman says no thanks, but Lex is already telling "Hans," his mechanic, where he's at. The woman -- who appears to be wearing a lace something or other under a red power suit -- seems annoyed by Lex. She looks and sounds as though she has a cold. She says she appreciates Lex's "postmodern chivalry," but she's fine. You know, it's not really chivalry when your ass is hanging out of your skirt as thanks. "A vocabulary and Dolce & Gabbana," Lex says. So. Gay. Just admit it, already, fashion-puss. He says she has Metropolis written all over her. Probably in very slutty lipstick colors. She makes some noise about Lex being the sheriff there to run her out of town. Lex asks whether her attitude came as an accessory to the couture. See? He did it again! The Woman in Red says she's thinking of moving to Smallville, but that Lex doesn't look like a local. Lex says he's been there since last fall. So it's been a year? Fuck this "season" shit. He says the town is starting to grow on him. Like a fungus. Among us. She asks what the appeal is. Lex says that the town is deceptive, and nothing is what it seems. She asks why. Lex suddenly says, "All these questions. This is beginning to sound like an interview." Red Lady looks busted. Lex reaches into her car and turns the keys; the engine comes on just fine. Maybe she was just checking her windshield wiper fluid. Lex asks who she's working for. She feigns confusion. Lex says he's going to throw her keys into the woods. Lex starts to throw. She catches his hand. She says she's Karen Castle, a staff reporter for the Metropolis Journal. Metropolis has how many newspapers? Sheesh. Lex gives back the keys and says he doesn't grant interviews. He says he's spent the better part of his life taking back entrances in order to avoid people like her. Would "people like her" be women, and one of those back entrances be "Clark"? ReporterHo follows Lex, holding her little pink rag, and says she wants to write an article about Lex -- a serious one that doesn't paint him as a wild child or Papa Luthor's supplicant son. She says that her paper is more serious than that tabloid, The Inquisitor, and that an article would mean more in her rag. Lex considers it. She says she'll do a cover profile that will help him crawl out from his father's shadow. I don't know about that shadow. Have you seen Papa Luthor's hair? She smiles. Lex says he appreciates the offer, but declines. Smile fades. "You get points for style, though," Lex says. Lex gets in his car and zooms off. ReporterHo stands in the street, holding a wrench, legs apart, and staring after that sexy, unattainable hunk of bald man.

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