Smallville
Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C- | 1915 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Clark Kant Reed So Gud

Over thirteen minutes into the episode and we're just now getting to Oliver's part of things. There's a seedy bar in Mexico, judging by the faded flag painted on the inside wall. You know it's seedy because at least one of the patrons has a gun blatantly tucked into the waist of his pants. Oliver walks in looking like he's mistaken it for an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog shoot. His toes are well-manicured in his flip-flops, his jeans are artistically distressed, and his white button-down is carefully wrinkled. He staggers and bumps into stuff to show us he's drunk. Two senoritas immediately descend upon him and he orders them all drinks with a big wad of money. The barkeep looks like he wants to spit on Oliver, but he doesn't get a chance because three local toughs walk into the bar. One of them, who appears to be the leader, accosts Oliver for messing with his wife. The music becomes frantic. Oliver drinks and then, clearly possessing a death wish, dickishly asks the guy in Spanish, "Which one is your wife? The short one? Or the ugly one?" One of the toughs throws a punch, hitting Oliver square in the jaw. Then someone behind them shoots a gun at the ceiling, getting their attention. It's Tess, fully recovered from her zombification last week and wearing a completely awesome leather shoulder harness/vest thing that I immediately wish I owned, but know I would never wear. She levels her gun at the toughs. "Really?" she asks Oliver, who's face-down on the bar. Tess sends the toughs and their ladies scurrying out the door with a flick of her gun. Oliver pulls himself up and pours himself a drink. "You know, Mercy, if you wanted more face time, all you had to do was ask." She crosses the room towards him. "This is me asking," she says. Fantastic.

Talon apartment, night. I wish they would just reestablish the location of Smallville so I could stop wondering why people are driving hundreds of miles every day between there and Metropolis. Lois is taking a pair of scissors to some old jeans to make herself a pair of cutoffs to go with the mannish, sleeveless plaid shirt she's wearing. Chloe walks in and teases Lois: "Why so fancy?" Lois says she's going to see the monster trucks. Chloe thinks it's more than that and asks who her "prince charming" is. Lois is surprised to hear herself saying it, but it's Clark. Chloe does a double-take. Lois gushes about how they've been on the same wavelength all day. Chloe: "I'll bet. Sorta like he's been reading your mind?" Lois goes on about how she and Clark are more than just partners, and how she's gotten so used to "carrying the load" all by herself but maybe now she doesn't have to. Girl, don't be talking to your (essentially) widowed and friendless cousin about being alone. "Clark and Lois versus the world," Lois says, smiling like a dewy-eyed school girl. Chloe stands behind her looking like a piranha has just spontaneously started eating her intestines. Lois gives Chloe a quick hug and says, "Don't wait up!" Chloe looks after her as she leaves. The piranha starts in on her soul.

Smallville

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