Exile (1)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
I'm A Hustler, Baby

The Talon. The American flag, she is a-wavin'. The marquee: "Open Mike Night/ Get Out of the Shower/ Get Into the Talon." I guess they gave up trying to come with different things to put up there. People walk outside The Talon. Some guy in a blue coat is on a cell phone, all, "Can you hear me now?" Inside, Lana -- in a pink tank top -- is carrying a tray of cappuccino and cake. Chloe comes in wearing a slinky black top with big colorful mushrooms near the see-through top part. Strange. Stranger still is Chloe's short do, which makes her look a little like Spike from Buffy. Well, from a distance, at least. Chloe says she hasn't seen Lana all week, even though they still live in the same room. Lana says that Chloe's dad told her Chloe spent the day at The Daily Planet. Chloe snarks about having to pick up dry cleaning for her editor. Chloe asks Lana to lunch. Lana says she can't, since she's gotta deal with accountants who've taken over the business since Lex disappeared. Chloe offers chauffer services and moral support for Lex's funeral. Close up, it now appears that Chloe has Tony Hawk's hairdo from 1991. Lana thanks her, but says she's going with the Kents. Way to include Chloe, you little pink harpy. Chloe asks Lana if she's heard from Clark. Lana says she's planning to go stay with Nell (remember her?) in Metropolis and search for Clark. Chloe makes the point that Clark isn't lost. Lana, displaying actual human emotions, tells Chloe that she hasn't written Clark off, nor given up hope. Chloe says that Clark made a conscious decision to leave his friends, family, and "the girl he claimed to love." Lana looks stricken, and ducks sideways from the camera's view. Chloe rolls her eyes. She follows Lana and says she's worried about her. "I'm the last person you need to worry about," Lana says. Lana is the worst friend and roommate there ever was. Chloe doesn't slap Lana the way any normal person would have, but instead advises that pining over Clark only leads to personal misery. Or a plane crash over the high seas. Chloe says that Lana needs to move on, since Clark obviously has. "I don't believe that," Lana says. I don't even have the energy to verbally bitch-slap her right now. Lana says she thinks Clark is waiting for the right person to find him. (George Clooney.) Chloe watches after Lana, concerned beyond the limits of human endurance.

On the bad side of the tracks in Metropolis, Clark is lying on some very luxurious blue satin sheets. The make-up person who had to do that big scar had to get awfully close to his nipples there. Puffy-headed clown (sans clown mask) and a tough-looking black dude whip out guns and point them at the shape under the sheet. Now, while Clark, in his three months here, has probably gotten used to strange men hovering over his bed and pointing things at him, this time it's probably not expected. The two men shoot up Clark's nice bed, and down feathers go everywhere. In the distance, a car alarm goes off. (Huh?) The two men get closer to the bed. Puffy Head nudges the bed with his gun. Clark throws up the duvet, SURPRISE!, and grabs them both by their necks. He throws them across the room, smashing up his own knickknacks. Nobody said Clark's anger was particularly smart.

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