Exile (1)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
I'm A Hustler, Baby

A slab of black marble. "LEX LUTHOR," it reads, in white serif letters. Papa Luthor is talking. He says the cruelest thing that can happen to a parent is the death of a child. Or having a child who grows up to be Tara Reid. Shot of MamaKent and Bo Duke looking especially stricken. Papa Luthor says that Lex was touched by greatness and that we'd only begun to see his potential. It turns out, coincidentally, that Lex's nickname for Clark used to be "Greatness." Lana is sniffling. With her hair and black dress, she's looking a little Norah Jones today. Papa Luthor says he can only imagine the heights Lex would have achieved if his life...hadn't been.... He trails off, obviously pained. "...Cut short, so tragically," he concludes. He puts a fist to his mouth and turns away from the gathering of people. Lana's mouth twitches, which means someone's nearby. She turns and spots Clark way in the back. Papa Luthor goes on about how there are unanswered questions about Lex's death, and that he hopes they'll be resolved someday. Lana backs out in slow motion to go after Clark. Papa Luthor says that answers won't bring Lex back, but that he would have searched 1,000 years if he thought Lex could be found. So he already found a body? Found the debris from the plane? Because we never find out what measures were taken to look for Lex or even how he survived the crash. Maybe we'll get more info next week. I'm not hopeful, but we'll see. Lana looks for Clark, but he's gone. She looks like she's got Rogue's white streaks from X2, but that could just be the sunlight. "In my heart, I will be searching for my son forever," Papa Luthor says, and it's heartbreaking. "So will I," someone says. It's Dr. Dropkick. She's carrying huge pink/purple flowers. She has a son? She steps forward and places the flowers in a silver vase that was holding white lilies. Papa Luthor goes to her, and the bastard is back. He says that if she's there to grandstand for the paparazzi, he'll have her escorted out. Shouldn't they have settled this before the funeral? She says she's there to pay her last respects to her husband. Papa Luthor excuses himself before "the hypocrisy begins." He walks off, true to his word. Crane shot of him walking past the huge marble marker. Dropkick looks like she's going to address everyone, but we cut away before she says anything.

Clark in an elevator! Livin' it up while he's goin' down! Or up. He's going up. Sorry. The elevator dings and opens. Chloe, dressed in bright red, is standing there. Her haircut is very 'Til Tuesday right now. Clark rushes her before she can explain and says he told her never to come back. Clark asks who else knows he's there. Chloe says that no one really knows, but that they need to talk. Clark says he's busy. He tries to slam the door on Chloe, but not really because if he were really trying, he'd have taken off one of her arms. Chloe says she's coming in. She says that Clark came to Metropolis and now he's a completely different person. "Maybe it's the real me," he says. Is Chloe commuting to Metropolis, by the way? Just curious. Chloe says she prefers the Country Clark. She looks around and asks how he can afford all the minimalist furniture and scant possessions he's got. Chloe, have you ever seen American Gigolo? Clark asks why; is she going to write a big story or put him in her column? Um, narcissism much? Chloe says she kept Clark's secret (the one about where he's living, not his big secret) because she was hoping he'd get a grip and go home. Clark seems amused by this whole presentation. Clark says he's erased Smallville from his past. Just like I erased it from my TiVo all last season. Chloe asks if that's why he's wearing his class ring. Didn't they establish before that those class rings were bad news? Doesn't Chloe recognize the mutant stone? Chloe asks what Clark is gonna do if Lana or Bo Duke shows up at Clark's doorstep. Clark says he's through explaining himself. Chloe says that Lana is a wreck. So nothing has changed with her, then? Also, the Kents are losing the farm. Clark gets up from his comfy seat and says he's never going to go back anyway. The show's just going to have to be called Due North About Three Hours From Smallville. Chloe says Clark wasn't forced into "Exile." (It doesn't sound as natural from Chloe.) She says he ran away from his problems. Clark suddenly has a Prilosec moment. He plays with his nipples with his balled-up fists. Chloe -- in that lectured way that always works with disagreeable people -- says he's not being noble, he's being a coward. Clark growls and turns it into a sentence: "GrrrrrChloe get out!" He grabs her and tells her that if she tells anyone where he is, he'll go so far from Metropolis she'll never find him. Like maybe the North Pole, where a bunch of ice crystals will play for you like DVDs? Chloe pushes him away and says she doesn't even know who he is anymore. She'd be better off on The O.C. anyway. "Get out!" Clark screams. Chloe finally looks a little scared. She dashes away. Clark closes the door and rips his shirt open. Yep. Heartburn. The scar-tissue kind. He moans and lands on the floor. He rips the ring off and the pain goes away. Ring goes on. Ring comes off. Ring goes on. Ring comes off.

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