The dancer on stage -- who, for some reason, put her top back on in the middle of the dance -- does the splits. The janitor in the back thinks, "Oh, great, like my mop's not dirty enough." Lois watches from backstage. She mumbles something to herself, and then turns around, loudly saying, "On second thought..." Chloe is right there to grab her and say, "No, no, no -- thinking bad, dancing good." Isn't there another way, Chloe? Wait, this is the Al and Miles show. I forgot what I was asking. Chloe says that Lois can ask "Mr. Shoot First, Ask Questions Later," a big black guy standing behind her. He doesn't look at all menacing, so I'm not sure what Chloe is saying here. Lois smiles at the guy. Chloe tells Lois she has to dig deep down and find her inner Demi Moore. Wow, what an amazingly current pop culture reference. Not the Pussycat Dolls? Not Aguilera or Carmen Electra? No, we're going to go with the movie reference of a film that was made when Chloe would have still been in diapers. We're Smallville and that's how we roll. Lois and Chloe take a deep breath together. Lois tells Chloe to use this distraction time to get some good information. Chloe looks around sneakily, and goes to work while Lois prepares to go on stage.
Clark is led to his itty-bitty table. He sits heavily. A waitress in a white nurse outfit asks "Handsome" what she can get for him. Is a Cleveland Steamer on the menu? No? Clark hesitates. "I'll have a Coke," he decides. With...Crown? Rum? The blood of an Irishman? "Straight up, on the rocks," Clark manages. Smooth, yet chunky, Clark. The waitress nods, like, "I won't be fucking him tonight," and walks away. Clark adjusts his tie, which, unlike his science, is too tight.
On stage, the "stripper" still has all her clothes on, but gets applause anyway. The announcer tells the audience that they've got a girl making her debut at the club. He asks the crowd to welcome the All-American girl, Amber Waves. Indeed, American flag graphics appear on the curtain. Lois is in silhouette, wearing a little sailor hat. She emerges wearing huge red boots, a white sailor top, and a little blue skirt. She's also wearing aviator sunglasses. She salutes, awkwardly. She marches in place, and it's not so much sexy as it is completely bumming out my reproductive system. She starts to take off her top like she's going to cry. Her bikini top is one half stars, one half red and white stripes, and two halves saline implant. She takes off her skirt, revealing red and blue shiny hotpants. The song playing is "Don't Cha" by the Pussycat Dolls, who couldn't be here tonight because...well, Lois has got it covered, doesn't she? Lois dances robotically and takes off her hat and sunglasses. She pops her head up and looks just like Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas. Yikes! Put it all back on! Please! Clark suddenly recognizes her. Lois starts to get into the song a bit more as she sees bored men staring at her. She grabs the pole and rears back, and suddenly it's like she never left the strip-club circuit. She humps the pole, spins around, twirls. The guys in the club have all of a sudden never seen a greater stripper in their entire lives. She's...she's...incompetent, yet do-able! Clark looks very embarrassed for her. Lois notices Clark. She stops dancing for a second as Clark looks completely bewildered. Lois, sweaty now, still ain't dancing. Her dance ends before it really begins. "I'd salute to that anytime," says the DJ. Wait, she's still got her top on? What kind of G-rated bullshit club is this? Wow, I'm sure glad we heeded Lex's warning about the dark things that go on here. Non-topless topless dancing. Scandalous!