Episode Report Card
admin: C- | 1 USERS: A+
Titty By Committee

U.N. Tower. Lois is being dragged across a helipad by Eurotrash and his bodyguard. The helicopter waits.

Clark bursts into the apartment. "Lois!" he calls. He sees where there was a fight earlier, and finds a Polaroid of Lois lying on the floor. She's smiling much more in the photo than she was when it was taken. Oh, man, more evidence! Wow, we criminal masterminds really need to get better about leaving our shit just lying around. Wait a minute...Maybe it is not us, the criminals, who are lazy. Maybe it...the writers? Wow, that totally gets us off the hook!

Chloe answers the phone in the newsroom. "He's got Lois," Clark tells her. He asks if Chloe has any psychic guesses as to their computer password. She's Chloe, Clark, not Miss Cleo. Chloe says that they probably have tons of security on the computer, so Clark shouldn't bother. Clark says that the computer's still warm, and that the printer's still on. Chloe tells Clark to try pressing "Print" again. Clark does. It's a fake passport that wouldn't fool anyone. For one thing, the ink's all faded. Clark asks if Chloe thinks they're going to smuggle Lois out of the country. Ya think? Chloe doesn't think they'll try going through an airport. Chloe presses her computer's mouse button and reveals that there's a helipad on the roof. Go, Clark, go! Instead, he just looks very slowly up at the ceiling.

Rooftop. The chopper is taking off. Clark zips in and grabs a yellow cord that's just lying around. He jumps up and hooks the cord to the helicopter's landing rails. Then he pulls, pulls like the wind! The pilot yells that they're stuck on something. He struggles with the controls. Just then, Lois wakes up. As Clark plays tug-of-war with the helicopter, Lois elbows the thugs and manages to overpower Eurotrash just by straddling him. The helicopter has landed with Clark grabbing it. He opens the door. "Hey, 007. Nice of you to show up," Lois says. She smacks Eurotrash one more time for good measure. Clark asks if that means "thank you." Lois shoots him a dirty look.

Outside the copter, the pilot and bodyguard are completely forgotten as Lois, Clark, and Eurotrash look at the hook that caught the helicopter. "Guess it got caught," Clark lies. The cops show up, just in time, plus five minutes. Lois tells Sawyer that they were gonna take her to the honeymoon suite of the "Grope-a-Cabana." Oh, man. It's no fun when the bad pun is on the other side of the screen. "I'm glad you're all right," Sawyer lies. She asks them to release Eurotrash: he's free to go. "What?" asks Clark. Eurotrash smiles. "Diplomatic immunity," he says smugly. Haven't you stoopeed Americans ever seen Lethal Weapon? Sawyer explains that he can't be tried for any crimes committed on American soil. "Even murder," she says. "I'm sorry, I can't touch him," Sawyer concludes. "Well I can," Lois says, and punches him in the gut. The bodyguard comes to help Eurotrash get into the helicopter. Lois smiles as if this fixes everything. Sawyer lectures Lois and Clark about justice and how if they don't like how Metropolis works, they should stay closer to home. Thanks, impotent officer of the law. Eurotrash blows Lois a lewd kiss.

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