Boys' locker room. Nudity! Lots of it. As sexy music plays, Dick and Scabrous start taking off their clothes in the shower room. You mean to tell me nobody is in the school right now? The wannabe sex scene here is pretty gratuitous, even for this network. The disrobing takes forever. Scabrous goes topless. They back into the shower knob and it goes off, spraying them both. She laughs, not reacting at all to what's probably super-hot or super-cold water. They go with it. He fingers her necklace and it breaks off. Rubbing, kissing, fondling. Just as they're kissing, some sort of black Venom-looking thing creeps from her mouth to his. She stops and asks if he felt something. He didn't. Scabrous grabs her sports bra and moves to leave. He reverts to a blue-balled version of his meaner self and complains that she's got a new face, but she's the same old Scabby. He comes after her as she's looking in the mirror. "Hey!" he says. Then he notices something in the mirror. "Oh my God," he says, "What's happening?" It goes on for hours and we can't see what's happening to him so it just makes the poor actor look completely ridiculous. "My face!" he says. Then we finally do see what he's looking at. His face looks like it's shriveling and blackening a bit around the mouth. Scary music plays. "What'd you do to me?!" he yells. His regular non-mirror face looks fine. Nevertheless, he's horrified and runs off. "Noooo! My face!" he yells.

Outside, Lois Lane is driving while talking on her cell phone. She's talking to an admissions office and complaining that she's in the creamed corn capital of the world. Just as they're about to put her on hold, over her protests, her car plows right into Dick Butthead. He rolls onto the hood and then falls into the street, bleeding. There appears to be a big patch of bad skin on his shoulder. Really, this doesn't get much explanation later, so let's just forget about it now.

Commercials. The Grudge! Looks scary!

We come back to the scene where Dick Butthead is being taken away in an ambulance and Lois Lane has just finished giving her statement to the police. Scabrous -- who's not looking all that enhanced with her wet hair and Smallville High sports bra -- watches the action. Clark, Town Investigator, comes by to see what's the matter. Shouldn't you have, like, saved the guy before he was hit? Isn't that what your theme song is all about? Lois tells Clark that she ran a guy over and that he'll be fine -- physically, at least. Lois tells him the police think the dude lost it. Clark says he saw him an hour before and he looked fine. Lois says that the pressure of being a football star might have gotten to him. Clark quickly dismisses that dim theory. Lois asks why the guy would run around half-naked and soaking wet. Smallville tradition? We see Scabrous again; she makes herself scarce.