Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!

Smallville Medical Center. Scene of my most tragic moments. Lana is bandaged up, and Jason is sitting at the edge of her hospital bed. He wonders if she can even hear him. Sure, getting a few cuts on your hand and face will definitely put you into a light coma. He starts telling his unconscious schmoopy how much she means to him. Unfortunately, Lex Luthor is standing in the doorway. Lex says that the polite thing for him to do would be to cough. Lex isn't polite. "That always seems so forced, doesn't it?" Lex asks. We love you! Lex comes around the bed and asks how Lana's doing. Jason says that the doctors don't know what's wrong with her. Lex and Jason introduce themselves. Lex asks if it's "Teague" as in "Marion, Teague and Wiesman." Jason says that's his father's firm. Lex asks if he decided to get far away from that. Jason says he was cut off. Lex snarks, "What better place to kickstart a new career than Smallville High?" Jason chuckles. Lex needlessly pries by surmising that the school was nice to send an official to check in on Lana. Jason goes with that instead of just saying that he and Lana are dating. Lex stares at Lana and then walks out. On his way, he says, over a shoulder, "Lana deserves the best. I hope you're it." Lex knows from the best. It's a sideways-hit Gayest Look of the Episode. Lex sneak-attacked us with it. Nice tracking shot of Lex leaving the room and walking down the hospital hallway

The offices of The Torch. Lois is researching Beechwood Medical Center's plastic surgery website. She checks a button to schedule an appointment.

Back at the hospital, Clark gets his frequent visitor card punched and then stares at Lana from outside the room. Chloe comes in, asking how Lana's doing. Nice wavy hair, Chloe! Seriously. I'm liking it. Clark says that Lana was cut up and given a sedative, but she kept saying, "Don't let him see me" over and over again. Ah, vanity. Clark points out that Dick Butthead was acting the same way recently. He says the only thing they found in common was a spike in serotonin levels. Nice of the doctors to share all that info with Clark. "Serotonin?" Chloe asks. Clark has to explain to Chloe what that is, which is pretty funny. Chloe mentions that Lois misspelled that word three times in her "slander" piece on extreme makeovers. Chloe knows better than to use that word. Slander is spoken. Libel is written. She's just being written dumber and dumber every season. Chloe mentions Scabrous's connection with Dick Butthead, citing Lana, but I doubt that information was ever passed on. Chloe makes the leap to Scabrous's supposed plastic surgery, and suggests that the procedure made her more beast than beauty. Clark watches Lana as dramatic music swells. It's not that dramatic.

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