Smallville
Facade

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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"Kryp"/Sucks

Someone knocks on the door. Jason and Lana break their embrace quickly. It's Clark. "Coach Teague!" he says. Lana gives Jason a freaked-out look. Clark introduces himself and they shake hands. He notices Lana and asks what she's doing there. Well, getting coached on the I-tongue formation, for one thing. Jason lies that the principal (Principal Asskick?) asked Lana to give him the grand tour. Lana is very amused. Lying turns her on, which explains her longtime attraction to Clark. Clark gives Lana the burning thigh sweats by telling her how awesome Jason is. He broke a record at Metropolis University and could have gone pro. So he's, what, about twenty-two or twenty-three? Lana's seventeen? Jason says smoothly that he's now a transfer to Kansas A&M, and that he broke his rotator cuff. I had to take my car in last week to get that fixed. "I guess we're lucky to have you here, Coach!" Lana says brightly. They're enjoying this way too much. Gotta admit, though: doing the flirty I don't-know-this-person thing when you're around someone else who doesn't know you're a couple is kinda fun. Jason corrects her: he's assistant coach. Some dude named "Quigley" is still going to be calling the plays. Unless he goes down under. Clark says he's not on the team. He's hoping to...try out. He says it like they're sending him to Iraq. "You look big enough, sure," Jason says, sizing Clark up. No sexual tension whatsoever on that line, there. Jason seems about as straight as Lex seems curved and crooked.

Quick cut to MamaKent and Bo Duke on the farm. Bo is standing next to a tractor and he says, exasperated, "The Talon!" For a moment, I think he's talking about a giant bird that came and took down some farm machinery. MamaKent is telling Bo that Lex agreed to let her manage the coffee shop. While Lana is living upstairs in the apartment? And her son is getting his groove on with Lois Lane? All together now: AWK-ward! MamaKent says she's lucky to find a job at all. She doesn't exactly have a full résumé. Well, actually, wasn't she the personal assistant of a very powerful man just recently? I guess when he goes to jail for murder, you kinda have to take that one off your list. Bo says that if she's worried about money, they can go through the books and find somewhere else to cut. Like that school-lunch program or maybe universal healthcare. MamaKent says that they've been doing that for two months and there's no other way to get out from under their hospital bills. Damn you and your feeble ostrich heart, Bo Duke! MamaKent immediately says that she's not blaming him for, you know, having a massive heart attack. She just doesn't want to lose the farm. Bo's manly pride is wounded. He holds a wrench in his hand just in case he has to beat back the stinking tide of feminism that's finally come to roost at his home. MamaKent says that things are not bad right now. Bo has the farm and Clark's going to college next year. (With double-digit SAT scores? Mmm, we'll see.) She says she needs something of her own. Slinging coffee to annoying teenagers over an alt-rock soundtrack? Dare to dream, MamaKent. "But why does it have to be with The Luthors?" Bo asks. Weren't you just saying last week how great Lex is? Whose side are you on, Baboon Valve? MamaKent says it's just coffee. Bo scoffs. But he relents. He said he knows she wants more than "this old farm." He says he won't be the one to stand in her way. MamaKent thanks him. He says, "You're welcome." Yes, thank you, Bo Duke, for letting your wife help you by paying off your hospital bills instead of letting them pull the plug a month into your coma. Thank you, Bo. You're so goddamn understanding.

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Smallville

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