Smallville
Facade

Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
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"Kryp"/Sucks

Scabrous at her locker. She now has a good-sized mirror sitting on the top shelf. She looks into it, happily, as she fixes her hair. The football player, Dick Butthead (he does bear an eerie resemblance to Butthead of Beavis and fame), suddenly appears at her locker and he's looking to score. He says he can't stop thinking about her. Ever since about twelve seconds ago. She asks if he's sure he's talking about the girl he used to call Scabby Abby. Ooh, a scabrous response! He says he totally deserved that. Well, she didn't. Dick Butthead says that if he'd been more patient and seen who she really was...oh, gag me with a prom corsage. He touches her chin creepily, and she bats her eyelashes. I'm just going to tell you now: I was really thinking she was going to get some vengeance Carrie-style, and that all of this was just her way of getting to that, but she really is stupid enough to fall for the guy who used to torment her the most. Stupid, stupid girl. Just as Dick calls Scabrous the most beautiful girl in the school, Lana Lang walks by carrying an armful of books to remind us who the real most beautiful girl in the school is supposed to be. No voting here. It's pre-ordained by the show Bible. Dick Butthead apologizes to Scabrous for being such a butthead. He asks if they can go somewhere a little more quiet than the empty school hallway. He keeps rubbing her chin, maybe to try to put some pimples there so that he'll remember what the old Abby looked like. She's just loving the attention. The two of them go off together.

Boys' locker room. Nudity! Lots of it. As sexy music plays, Dick and Scabrous start taking off their clothes in the shower room. You mean to tell me nobody is in the school right now? The wannabe sex scene here is pretty gratuitous, even for this network. The disrobing takes forever. Scabrous goes topless. They back into the shower knob and it goes off, spraying them both. She laughs, not reacting at all to what's probably super-hot or super-cold water. They go with it. He fingers her necklace and it breaks off. Rubbing, kissing, fondling. Just as they're kissing, some sort of black Venom-looking thing creeps from her mouth to his. She stops and asks if he felt something. He didn't. Scabrous grabs her sports bra and moves to leave. He reverts to a blue-balled version of his meaner self and complains that she's got a new face, but she's the same old Scabby. He comes after her as she's looking in the mirror. "Hey!" he says. Then he notices something in the mirror. "Oh my God," he says, "What's happening?" It goes on for hours and we can't see what's happening to him so it just makes the poor actor look completely ridiculous. "My face!" he says. Then we finally do see what he's looking at. His face looks like it's shriveling and blackening a bit around the mouth. Scary music plays. "What'd you do to me?!" he yells. His regular non-mirror face looks fine. Nevertheless, he's horrified and runs off. "Noooo! My face!" he yells.

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Smallville

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