Outside, Lois Lane is driving while talking on her cell phone. She's talking to an admissions office and complaining that she's in the creamed corn capital of the world. Just as they're about to put her on hold, over her protests, her car plows right into Dick Butthead. He rolls onto the hood and then falls into the street, bleeding. There appears to be a big patch of bad skin on his shoulder. Really, this doesn't get much explanation later, so let's just forget about it now.
Commercials. The Grudge! Looks scary!
We come back to the scene where Dick Butthead is being taken away in an ambulance and Lois Lane has just finished giving her statement to the police. Scabrous -- who's not looking all that enhanced with her wet hair and Smallville High sports bra -- watches the action. Clark, Town Investigator, comes by to see what's the matter. Shouldn't you have, like, saved the guy before he was hit? Isn't that what your theme song is all about? Lois tells Clark that she ran a guy over and that he'll be fine -- physically, at least. Lois tells him the police think the dude lost it. Clark says he saw him an hour before and he looked fine. Lois says that the pressure of being a football star might have gotten to him. Clark quickly dismisses that dim theory. Lois asks why the guy would run around half-naked and soaking wet. Smallville tradition? We see Scabrous again; she makes herself scarce.
The locker room again. There's a smallish black kid in a towel, and I think "Pete!" for a second. But it's not him. It'll probably never be him again. Lois walks right into the locker room with Clark. He tries to keep her out, saying she's missing a few "prerequisites" for being there. But doesn't she have a few to make up for it? Lois smiles and pushes out her chest. "So you have been checking me out!" she says brightly. Uh, Lois? A bunch of dudes in towels are gathering around you. Unless you'd like a quick new career change to amateur film star, I'd get back on track. Clark asks her to wait outside. Lois has got news fever. She says this is a juicier story than teen surgery. Dudes are still checking her out. Much schlongage abounds. Lois goes to the first guy in front of her and asks how well he knew Dick Butthead. "Not as well as I'd like to know you," he says. "Charming," Lois says. She keeps questioning him as Clark leaves the girl alone with a roomful of horny football players to go look for clues. "Oh, don't mind me, Clark. I'll just be getting gang-raped." Clark, with his "I'm looking for clues...I'm looking for clues" look, goes to the showers. He finds a "#87" jersey on the floor and Scabrous's necklace lying over the shower drain. Smell you, Nancy Drew!