Smallville
Fade

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Alien Vs. Predator-Dork

House of the Lex. Wearing a very conservative business suit and white shirt, Lex retires to his den. He notices a shopping bag on his piano next to a very nice set of flowers. It gives the man pause. He looks up toward the library and sees Lana, wearing a tight, sleeveless gray top, leaning over the railing. "I see you stepped up your security," she says. I hope that was a joke. Lana says that she had to make a good case before they let her in. "You're not an easy person to say no to," Lex tells her. Lana comes to Lex. She says that she couldn't wait any longer, and that she's been sitting by the phone. Long pause. Lana breaks the silence and asks Lex what he found out in D.C. Lex says that he got a lot of run-around from the government about whether Professor SoFine actually exists. Lana suggests that SoFine's covert work is more covert than even the government would know about. Lex is starting to doubt SoFine is whom he says he is. Lana asks whether Lex thinks his government documents are forged. Lex says he had them authenticated, but that doesn't mean anything. So why do it? Lex is confident they can find out who SoFine really is. Long looks. Lex chuckles. He says he was gone a week, but felt homesick. Lana asks what's so special about Smallville. Exactly. "Oh, I don't know," Lex says, "the cows?" That's Bo's M.O. Step off. Lex goes on about cornfields and wide-open spaces. Lana smiles. "I missed you, too," she whispers. "You have no idea," Lex tells her. I really thought they retired that line after it was in a Disney cartoon. Lex takes Lana's hand. They kiss. It's actually kind of hot. Much hotter than any of Clark and Lana's kisses were, I'll tell you. Why is the fireplace always on? Lana wraps her arms around Lex's neck and they go at it, full force. Clark, who also got past security easily, watches from the doorway. Then he walks off, full of bile and self-pity. In the hallway, Clark looks agonized. Should he pleasure himself or not? It's all so confusing! He breathes heavily and looks around for his mark. It's off-screen, so he goes to it. We go to commercials.

An American Haunting is a lot like a Canadian haunting, but the ghosts eat a lot more McDonald's and don't have universal health care.

Clark is at the Daily Planet. As he walks in, Chloe asks Clark, 'Riddle me this.' I wish I was watching a Batman cartoon starring The Riddler. She asks how someone can get into a sealed room to kill someone completely undetected. Have you questioned Inch High Private Eye? He is, as I understand it, very very tiny. "You knew, didn't you?" Clark asks. Chloe knew the murderer? She knew Inch High? Chloe, puzzled, says, "No, that's why it's a riddle." Clark is annoyed that Chloe knew about Lana and Lex, but avoided the subject whenever he asked how Lana was doing. Chloe says that she's sorry, even though she really has no reason to be. "You're supposed to be my friend!" Clark whines. Chloe says that she's Lana's friend, too. And her roommate. Chloe says that Lana asked her to keep it a secret. Actually, she mostly just bitched Chloe out. Chloe says that, of all people, Clark should understand the secrecy thing. Clark becomes Super-asshat in one leap of a single sentence: "You know how dangerous Lex is. Any friend of Lana's would never let her get involved with him!" Chloe says she wasn't thrilled about the deal, either, but that Lana's a big girl. Clark tries to walk out on the conversation. Why not super-zip out? Clark hisses that Lana has no idea what she's getting herself into. Yeah, dating your dumb ass wasn't much better. Chloe reminds Clark that he broke up with Lana, and that means she can date whomever she likes, "with or without your written permission." Huh? Clark says he knows. But Clark knowing something is like me leaving a tiny pin on a very messy desk. Clark says that he won't stand by and watch Lana get hurt. Chloe is charitable not to call Clark on his bullshit. She does tell him that he doesn't have a choice. Clark's face goes, "Oh, shit."

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Smallville

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