Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!
Baern Again

Lair of Lex. Lex, carrying a folder, enters his office and finds the half-coaster energy source sitting on his desk. Lana is waiting on the couch, next to the roaring fireplace. Isn't it still summer in Smallville? "Safe and sound," Lana tells Lex. Lex is surprised she didn't take it and run. It wasn't hers to keep she says. Lex says it's incredible that this small object could hold the secrets to the universe. Lana complains that it could hold the secret to destroying themselves. Didn't you just tell Lex that the risk was worth it and that it might be the only thing that'll save us all? Lana is totally stupid. She complains that Lex didn't tell her about working with the military. "Who better to help defend us?" he asks. I wonder if he had to go all the way to Iraq to find a military consultant. Lex says the future always has risks; that doesn't mean we shouldn't look forward. He says he thought they were still in this together. "We still are," Lana tells him, "just not on the same side." Oh, fucking hell in a pink package. Lana tells Lex that he's obsessed the way he was with the ship. It's a space object from an alien race, Lana. If he can't get obsessed about this, what can he be allowed to get riled up about? She tells Lex that he has to choose between the box or her. The box! Go for the box, Lex! Even if it's just dead space worms, it's still less annoying and more humorous than Lana. The box, dude! Choose wisely! Lex doesn't answer.

Lana storms out of the room. Or at least she tries to. She opens the double doors and Bow Wow is standing there, waiting. "You have something I need," he tells Lana. Awesome, she was just breaking up with Lex, so you can be the rebound dude. Lex tells Lana to call Security. She tries not to laugh. Bow Wow says, "They're kind of unavailable right now." As if they've ever been of actual use. Bow Wow looks to the left. He breathes sensually as he spots the power coaster on the desk. He walks toward it. Lana just stands aside, even though this object is costing her relationship. Lex does get in the way. "You're not getting near it," he tells Bow Wow. Bow, shorter than Lex, pushes him aside, throwing him through a glass desk. "Lex!" Lana yells. She goes to him. Bow Wow puts his hand over the coaster. It glows and shoots purple light on his palm. The room glows womb pink. Lex and Lana run out. The light fades. Bow Wow is satisfied. It was interstellar steak night at the Luthor castle. The coaster crumbles to dust. And I hope I never have to recap about it again. Bow Wow super-zips out of the room.

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