Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
The Manchurian Swimfan

Central Kansas A&M campus. A small headline in a newspaper reads, "Kent Attacked, Voters Rally." Oh, and some shit happened in the Middle East, but who cares, right? In what looks like a library room surrounded by Lex posters, LexFan tells her two lackeys, "It didn't work. We failed him." She says she knows what to do now, and has everything in place. One of the guys tells her to chill out. He says that they went too far, and that it backfired. The other guy wants to turn himself in. You wusses! LexFan, who has the odd facial features (at least with her makeup and the lighting in this scene) of a blow-up doll, says that Lex asked them to go the extra ten miles, and that she's the only one willing to do it. She says that there's one thing Bo can't bounce back from. Bovineicide. One of the dudes says that he's going to the cops. LexFan pulls a gun out of her purse and shoots them both. No one on campus hears it, apparently. "Lex...would have never...given up that easily," she manages to say. LexFan walks over to a grimy mirror and slaps herself. Ow! Then she pulls out an industrial set of clipping shears (the kind that has to be plugged in) and pulls back her hair. She just happened to have those clippers around? She starts to shave her head right in the middle. It takes a really long time and doesn't really work very well. I think they only had one shot at this scene and they didn't expect it to take so long for her hair to come off. An overhead shot shows the beginnings of a reverse Mohawk. We cut back to the front view; the shearing is going a lot better now. LexFan stares at herself blankly in the mirror as fully 9/10ths of her hair still remains on her head.

Luthor Mansion at night. Lex is telling someone on his cell phone that he went to meet Griff, but that the guy never showed. "Find out what happened to him," he tells someone. I thought the whole Griff thing was a secret that only Lex and Papa Luthor knew about. Lex, walking into his office, sees LexFan, bald and wearing a robe, swiveling in his chair. Lex motions toward his head and says that he didn't recognize her for a minute. She puts down a drink and comes around the desk to greet him. You know, maybe it's the imprint of seeing the Star Trek movies at a young age or maybe it's V for Vendetta, but bald chicks are definitely not unhot. This girl actually looks better without hair. She takes off her robe as she tells Lex that she wanted to show him how devoted she is to him. Oh man, I hope she only used those giant clippers on her head. Lex, taken aback, chuckles and says that she certainly has. Lex says that he has all the enabling devices he needs. "Though apparently I could use better security," he says. Thank you! Finally! LexFan says that people always say you shouldn't use your birthday as your security code. Lex puts LexFan's robe back on her. LexFan adds that, in this case, it was Lex's brother's birthday. All right. Creepy. Lex says that it's an interesting choice of perfume. "Hermes," she says. "It's your favorite." In an unsexy girly voice, she says, "I know everything about you, Mr. Senator!" Lex says that she's getting ahead of herself. "Not now," she tells him. "Not with Jonathan Kent out of the picture." Oops. Lex says that he would never condone that. LexFan agrees that Lex has to distance himself. LexFan quotes an article about Lex in which he said never to leave yourself vulnerable. Lex asks if she was responsible for the attack on Bo Duke. She says she knows what Lex wants her to do, and that she doesn't want him to take the fall. The music darkens as Lex grabs LexFan by the arms and tells her that she may have read everything about him, but that doesn't mean she knows him: "I would never hurt the Kents." LexFan says he's losing his edge. "And you've clearly gone over it," he responds. LexFan stares like a loon. Lex moves to call Security. She grabs a decanter and breaks it on Lex's head. Ow! I've lost count of Lex's concussions. He falls unconscious. LexFan straddles him and says, "You're just having a moment of weakness. That's why you need me."

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