The sniper takes aim. The camera spins around to reveal the would-be assassin. It's Lois Lane. She looks a little nauseated. Bo waves happily. Lois's mildly bloodshot green and hazel eye is zoomed in on through the rifle scope. She hesitantly pulls the trigger. The gun goes off. The CGI bullet spins right toward us. We go to black. Agh, you fucking shot us! No fair!
Commercials. I think the GEICO gecko is gay. Not because he acts that way, but because it's alliterative.
Stately Luthor Manor at night. A title card reads, "48 Hours Earlier." Ooh, the clever narrative jump back in time. Bold, that. Lex's office is decorated with giant posters for his campaign. My wife and I were in the Rio Grande Valley recently and there were billboards for "Omar '06" all over the place. The Omar in question was sitting on a bench or something and leaning forward like he was taking an especially challenging dump. Like the kind of dump where you need to get at least one foot anchored on the floor to get some leverage going. I'm just saying I bet that's going to be an interesting race. Campaign advisers are taking notes as Lex is going over his itinerary for the next day. He tells his assistant to push back a lunch with the mayor in order to schedule a photo op at the hospital. He says that the nurse's union is "key in the 49th." Lex wants poll numbers from the night before.
The assistant introduces a group entering the Lair of Lex. They're Students for Luthor from Central Kansas A&M. Oh, awesome. That's just what Lex needs -- campaign help from the community college. Maybe you guys should, you know, be in class? Learning some stuff? The assistant tells Lex that he's got five minutes, tops. Interesting nickname. The students are two dudes flanking a blonde girl wearing a black business jacket and a lavender blouse. There are other folks in the group, but they're all wearing cheesy black t-shirts featuring Lex's tiny head and the words "Vote Lex" in puffy white paint instead of suits. Brooding music plays. Teens are trouble! Lex stands up, circles around his desk, and begins, "Thucydides said..." and everyone in the world, me included, dozes off instantly. When I wake up, my Safari browser is set to this page, which doesn't make me any less sleepy. Apparently, this dude said that "We're either kings among men or the pawns of kings." Judging from his wealth, I'm guessing Thucydides was one of the kings. Lex says that this group must strive for the kings bit: "The youth vote is stronger than we ever expected." It is? Really? This must be set in Bizarro World (world, world)! The girl in the middle, LexFan, stares at Lex intensely, her lips glistening. Lex says that we can't afford to be complacent. Sure, that's cool. I mean, whatever. Lex says that great leaders are those who go beyond the extra mile. So, two miles then? Sounds doable. "They go the extra 10," Lex says. Aw, crap. I'm out. Lex says that defeat is not an option, and the youth group bursts into spontaneous applause because they've never heard a cliché before.