Kent home. Clark and Lana are sitting on the couch. Quietly, he tells her that he thought she was gone. Clark was a lot more gullible than the rest of us. We were hoping she'd disappear effectively for at least half a season. "If you knew how that felt..." he tells her. Lana says she's so sorry. She says she never wanted to hurt him. She thought faking her death would be a kick! Fun! Come on, you gotta admit it was a great joke! Laugh, dammit! Clark is hurt that she didn't trust him enough to let him help. "I was trying to protect you," Lana says. Oh yeah, that old clunker. Did you take that out of the old show hope chest? As in, "I hope this recycled excuse for motivation works for the hundredth time." Lana worried that Clark would rush in and try to save her, even if it meant risking his own life. He is sort of indestructible. It's kind of a good way to be. Clark blinks a lot. Lana says that when Papa Luthor threatened to hurt Clark, she couldn't take that chance. Clark says it's a little ironic hearing someone else say that. Clark's definition of irony is this tiny. [Omar holds his fingers very close together.]
Instead of demanding answers to about a hundred more questions, Clark just chuckles and says he can't wait to see the look on Chloe's face when she finds out Lana is still alive. Will it be a look of complete horror? "She can't," Lana says, "not yet." Lana says she committed a serious crime and wasn't supposed to come back. Can you really be busted for blowing up a plastic version of yourself? I mean, Lex gets away with murder, literally, like every week. Or at least unexplained deaths, like his lawyer in his jail cell. Did somebody confess to that crime, too? Lana says she needs to clear herself before she reappears in town. Clark tells Lana to stay at the farm with him. He promises she'll be safe. Clark starts to warn Lana that his life has become a little more complicated. As he's finishing that thought, Kara appears in a tiny red bikini, trying to balance a book on her head. The book is How to be a New Female Character, the Smallville Way. Chapter One is all about big tits in bikini tops. Lana notices Kara. The camera glides up from Kara's high heels to her book-carrying head. In case we might have missed anything there. The body is banging, to be sure, but at what cost, show? "That might be an understatement," Lana says, giving Clark the dagger eyes. Ladies, ladies, please! Don't get all weird on me now. We can make this dead girlfriend/cousin/beefcake sandwich work! We just need a little...mayonnaise.