Smallville
Finale

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | 8 USERS: B+
YOU GRADE IT
So Long, and Thanks for All the Super
ething.) Granny goes on about some quasi-religious thing about destruction and Lucifer and souls and evil, but Tess is like, "Uh, you're not making your side sound super appealing," so Granny bids her farewell. Tess calls her back: "When is this hell coming?" "It's not coming, Lutessa," Granny says, "it's upon us."

Apokolips, formerly known as the giant flaming planet, is advancing ever closer to Earth. It passes over the moon, missing it by mere miles. Does this result in any sort of lunar disturbance? No, it does not. Somehow, all the sucking in this episode counteracts the intense gravitational pull that would otherwise decimate our little moon.

Kent Farm. Martha has returned home for the wedding and found the place all packed up. She reaches into a box and pulls out a framed photo of her and Jonathan. For a second, she sees his reflection in the glass, smiling up at her. Behind her, Clark walks through the door. She doesn't turn to look at him at first. Quite a stunning look of disgust or something like it flits across her face. Clark is surprised to see her. "I thought you were staying at the bed and breakfast," he says. "And I thought I was returning to a home you and Lois were building together," Martha says. Turns out Martha had given them the farm so that they could live there. Well, maybe you should have sent a little note with the deed, lady. Never assume that Clark is going to make the right decision without explicit instructions! They argue about whether moving forward means leaving the past behind. Clark thinks this is about Jonathan for some reason. Martha thinks that Clark has turned his back on Jonathan. He says he thought he saw Jonathan last year but then realized it was just the LSD talking. Martha says she's proud of her boy. "Why bring up Dad today of all days?" he asks her. Well, first, it's your wedding day -- of course your dead father's going to come up! Second, you're the one who brought him up, doofus! Martha is nearly as flabbergasted by his question as I am, although she doesn't call him names like I do. She's upset because it seems like he's cutting himself off from his past. A look of doubt flickers across Clark's face, but he quickly returns to "patronizing ass" mode. "I love you, Mom, but you have to find a way to put this all behind you just like I did." As Clark walks away, the ghost/hallucination of Jonathan Kent appears and gives a big sigh of disappointment. Martha cries because she realizes she has raised an asshole.

Daily Planet. Lois is busy, busy, busy, collecting notes from the nameless drones that populate her hive. She smells something newsworthy in the fact that the President is in town and Air Force One hasn't left the hangar in over an hour. Maybe someone went on a Krispy Kreme run and there was a line. Chloe tracks her down and babbles something nonsensical about laundry lists and spin cycles. It's her way of acknowledging that Lois has a lot on her mind, but Lois doesn't want to be talked out of not getting married. Chloe makes the relatively sane point that Clark isn't God and he can't be on duty all the time. "He needs to rest! To love, to laugh!" She read that on a cross-stitch kit while she was at Hobby Lobby. Chloe lowers her voice. "When he does finally take to the skies, he's going to need you to ground him." Lois thinks grounding him is bad. As a last resort, Chloe gives Clark's handwritten vows to Lois. As Lois reads them, Clark's voice says aloud: "I, Clark Kent, take you Lois Lane to be my companion forever." I won't transcribe the whole thing, but it ends with "when you believe in someone, it's not for a minute or just for now, but forever." Lois's eyes fill with tears. "I'm such an idiot," she says to herself. Yes, you are, but for so many more reasons than you realize. A lot of time is devoted to watching Lois cry and Chloe crying while watching Lois cry, and then everybody smiling in slow motion while chick music plays.

Watchtower. Tess bustles in, carrying a sexy purple dress that, sadly, we will not get to see her wear to the wedding. She gets working on the computers, trying to access one of their satellites, but the computer tells her it was programmed to disconnect. Tess realizes this means they don't have their "eye in the sky." Lady, just look up. A planet several thousand miles across is practically right on top of you. Tess tries to find out who programmed the satellite but the computer says she doesn't have security clearance. Tess tries to link up with one of the Queen Industries satellites, but that's not happening, either. The computer helpfully tells her that the command to disconnect came from within Watchtower, so Tess looks through the security footage and discovers that Oliver is the culprit. Luckily, Martian Manhunter has a space station she's able to access. She gets her first look at Apokolips advancing toward Earth. If I ever have a space station, I'm going to program it to automatically tell me when a giant flaming planet is heading my way. None of this "finding out at the last minute" crap.

Lair of the Prophets. I don't know what it's actually called. It's lair-like and Darkseid's prophets are there. Oliver kneels before DeSaad, Granny and Godfrey. "I've done what you asked," he says. "They won't know Apokolips is coming." Because everyone is too busy navel-gazing to look up at the damned sky! Granny is positively giddy. They have just one last mission for him. DeSaad gives him a ring made from gold kryptonite and says it will "disarm the bringer of light who threatens to vanquish the darkness." Remember this for later because it won't be important at all.

Cemetery. Clark visits Jonathan's grave. "I never wanted to say goodbye," Clark says. "Then don't," says dead, hallucinatory Jonathan behind him. Clark is suddenly filled with doubt. It's a serious scene, and not badly done, but Clark saying he's buried his insecurities is unintentionally humorous, given how much stroking his ego needs every week. "I'm so close," he says earnestly. "I know who I'll become -- I've seen it." He talks about Lois wanting him to let her go and Martha wanting him to hold onto the past. Jonathan offers him a platitude from beyond the grave (two feet beyond, to be precise) but since Clark can't actually hear him, it doesn't do much good. Clark is still insistent that he needs to stand on his own. He touches Jonathan's headstone. "I miss you so much." Jonathan lays his hand on top of Clark's. "Then let me be there for you." Clark doesn't feel it, which is just as well, because he'd probably super-poop himself in shock. He says neither of his daddies can help him anymore. "As much as I value everything you've given me, I need to go where neither of you can guide me in order to become the hero the world needs me to be." Notice how he's always talking about what the world needs? He makes being a hero sound like a burden, a task placed on his shoulders. He doesn't make it sound like something he actually wants. Superman is such a downer in this story. Clark looks up and sees Oliver walking toward him. Ghost Dad is gone. Oliver and Clark talk about all the crap everybody's already talked about. Letting go, not letting go. The past, the future. Clark wonders if Lois is part of the past he needs to leave behind. "What if heroes aren't destined to love?" he asks the happily married hero in front of him. Oliver gives Clark a pep talk about how Clark helped him to become a hero. "No one can push me or lead me anywhere," Clark says. Remember this for later because it's totally not true. He moans and groans about not fitting in anywhere and somehow comes to the conclusion that maybe he needs to let go of Lois.

Metropolis. Clark tries to open the door to the apartment, but Lois blocks him from the other side. She's wearing a white satin dress and tells him he can't see her before the wedding. Clark gets whiplash so bad, his head ends up backwards. She confesses she read his vows and they changed her mind. She slides a copy of her own vows under the door for him to read. Before he does that, though, there's more talk of doubts and angs

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