Smallville
Finale

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | 5 USERS: A-
YOU GRADE IT
So Long, and Thanks for All the Super
lowing us a look at patchwork Lex. He's hooked up to all manner of tubes and a mask. Ragged scars show where all the bits went into making up the whole. Everything looks pretty good except for the right hand, which appears to be made of overcooked pizza rolls.

Clark zips over to the road where Tess was abducted. With a bit of X-ray vision, he finds her phone tucked under the seat of her car.

Back to the lab. Lionel's minions slam Tess onto the table. The guard straps down her hands while two men in surgical scrubs tie her feet. Lionel gets handsy with her tummy as he explains he would have preferred to use Conner's heart, but Tess hid the kid all too well. Or maybe Lionel just didn't look that hard. Oh, now he's getting familiar with her chest again. He leans forward to press a kiss to her cheek. He then makes the mistake of walking away. Tess manages to move her foot just enough to kick the instrument tray out of one guy's hands. She catches a scalpel when it goes flying. She slices through the strap on her right wrist, elbows the nearest guy, cuts the straps on her right leg and kicks another guy. When the guard approaches, she slams his arm to the table, pins him down with her thigh, then cuts through the final strap and takes the gun from the guard's hand. This was the best fight scene in the finale and nobody super was involved. She shoots Lionel through the chest. He looks genuinely surprised as the blood bubbles out of his mouth. Tess makes a hasty retreat as Lionel struggles toward a button that opens the specimen wall. As Lionel drags himself toward Patches, an eerie fog begins to fill the room. The fog coalesces into a semisolid Darkseid. "You refused me once," he says. "But this may be the moment when you reconsider my offer." How does he win people over to the dark side with dialog like that? Lionel begs Darkseid to save his son. I don't really see Lionel being selfless enough to not beg for his own life instead, but whatever. Darkseid grabs Lionel with a gassy arm and rips out his still-beating heart. Lionel's eyes glow red. Some time later, Patches begins to stir. His pretty blue eyes flutter open and he reaches up with his pizza hand to rip the mask off his face. He looks fairly surprised at this turn of events, as one might expect.

Daily Planet. Apokolips has nearly eclipsed the sun in full. Clark wanders through a crowd of people before putting on his glasses and heading inside. He catches up with Lois and then catches her up on his unsuccessful attempt to find Tess. They pause to listen to a radio address from the President. He says the eclipse is being caused by a meteor. Clark pulls Lois aside. "We know the prophets have been using people's darkness to mark them with an Omega," he says. "What we don't know is why." I thought it was some kind of accounting procedure, you know, like when you take inventory of your stock and mark what you've already counted so you don't recount stuff. That makes sense, doesn't it? Clark has another idea: "Tess quoted one of the prophecies as saying the markings weren't just spiritual. They're some sort of anti-life dark force that could bring upon the apocalypse." So this thing was prophesied and yet nobody acted preemptively in any way. "Maybe the marking has some sort of unexplainable gravitational pull," Clark surmises out of nowhere. Clark starts trying to figure out a way to "lift the darkness" and break people free of their bond with Apokolips. He scans the news floor and realizes everybody has been marked. Lois thinks Clark should just do what he did for Oliver, what with the peppy talking, but Clark thinks he can't do that for everybody on the planet. Didn't it seem like this was going to be the payoff for all the moping and whining he did about having to go public as the Blur? Like he was going to get himself on a Jumbo Tron and make everyone cry out their ooze by "bringing the light" to them? Clark uses Tess's video footage to look up the license plate of her abductors' car. Lucky for them, the internet still seems to be working and they find out the car is registered to PreClox. Switch the vowels and you get ProClex. Just wanted to mention that. A little more digging and they decide that Lionel must be the guilty party. The building shakes as chunks of Apokolips hit the streets. Clark and Lois have a weirdly stiff goodbye scene punctuated by a kiss. Welling is barely phoning it in.

As Clark goes off to find Tess, Lois goes back to the radio. "Our military has a precision plan to take care of the meteor fragment," the prez says. "They will take swift action, ensuring the world's safety." Lois hears this and realizes this is why her father was called away from her wedding. Yet he didn't get her a word of warning? "Hey, Lo, watch out for the planet coming our way! Daddy loves you!" She follows a pretty, dark-haired woman into the copy room. The woman makes a copy of her passport. Lois asks her if she's covering the President's visit. She gets a wordless bitch-face in answer. She asks this lady to warn the President about the military's plan to nuke the "meteor." Why she thinks the President isn't in on this is a mystery. The radioactive fallout will kill millions, she says. Lois's colleague, named Janet, sneers at her. "Take it to the Inquisitor. I've got a plane to catch with the President." Something tells me that the President would cancel his interviews in a situation like this. Lois whacks Janet over the head with a hole punch and takes her Air Force One clearance badge. So much lack of logic! So little time to recap it all!

Luthor Mansion. Clark whooshes into the decimated library. Even in its dilapidated state, it's still the only room in the mansion we ever get to see. "Hello, Clark," Lex says behind him. Clark freezes in place. "Can't say I love what you've done with the place." "Lex," Clark breathes and finally turns around. Lex has found some nice clothes to wear, as well as a black glove to cover up his pizza hand. Clark is astonished to see him alive. Lex says Lionel had "a change of heart." Oh, Patches. Don't make me hate you. Clark demands to see Tess. Lex assures him she's fine. He takes the opportunity to opine about family and friends and how it's one's enemies that define the greatest men and women of history. "You have a second chance," Clark says. "You can change all that." "That's the thing about memories," Lex replies. "You can't forget them." People forget shit all the time on this show. Also: ugh. They have a long, mostly boring talk about what a wiener Clark is for hiding from his destiny. "You and I will both be great men because of each other," Lex says. Remember this because it won't mean a thing later. "We have a destiny together, Clark," he says, echoing his originator's words from the pilot episode. Y'all also have a son together. Clark vows to stop Lex. Lex is counting on it. He calls him "Kal-El" and says it's up to Clark to save everyone from the apocalypse. Er, Apokolips. Clark is surprised Lex knows about this, but it turns out Lex actually read the Veritas journals instead of just doodling in the margins like Clark did. Lex calls Clark the "light that will inspire this world out of darkness." "Only you hold the power within you," Lex says. "I'm not sure Clark Kent can save the entire world on his own," Clark says. "He can't," Lex agrees, taking Clark's shoulders in his hands. "But we both know who can." He gives Clark an intense, meaningful look. Even Clark is confused. How did Lex go from being his mortal enemy to his life coach in two minutes? "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, Lex," Clark says, whooshing away. Lex stares at the Clark-shaped absence in the room and smiles.

Watchtower. Oliver gets the computers up and running again. He scans the city for a particular building, finds it, then goes over to a cabinet for his bow and arrows. Heroic music plays.

Lair. The prophets watch the slight devastation of the world with pleasure. They congratulated themselves on "saving souls" for Darkseid. There is nothing about this plan that I understand. Nothing! Oliver walks in, all duded up in his Green Arr

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