Episode Report Card
Omar G: C- | Grade It Now!
Pudding Out

Athletic office. Wow, this is where Jason used to work. Chloe walks past some trophies and toward the locker room and the showers. There's major fog-machine action going on down there. Chloe recognizes someone in there. "Haley?" she calls. She's relieved and says she thinks the two of them are the only people in the -- uh oh. Haley is bent over to get water from a fountain. The water is dribbling out of her frozen mouth. Her skin is pudding white. Her eye is glazed over with some kind of pudding-like substance, but the eye beneath moves from side to side. Chloe backs away in horror. She looks around, trying to find the evil tapioca monster that did this.

Hallway again. Chloe bursts out into the hall and goes toward one of the school exits. The doors won't open. She runs in another direction. The camera appears to be shooting her from about kneecap level.

The Torch. Chloe picks up a very cheap prop phone and it's dead. She draws three sets of blinds in a row. We can't see what she sees, but Chloe is horrified. White light spills in as Chloe backs away. "What's going on?" she asks. There appear to be fluorescent bars of light in the windows. Another bell rings. The camera rotates up and out of the room, finding a ceiling panel to escape from as Chloe yells for help. I hope that camera operator took some Dramamine.

Abrupt cut to the exterior of a warehouse. Another jump cut to a run-down industrial area, complete with smokestacks. Huh. I have no idea what the fuck's going on. Let's hope we find out.

Opening credits. Somebody saaaaaave me from recapping next week's ninety-minute episode! No, not really. I'm looking forward to about sixty minutes of it.

Commercials. House of Wax. How appropriate.

Kent Farm. What, no exterior shot? Clark is doop-de-doo'ing down the stairs. As he's rolling up a plaid sleeve for that lesbian trucker look, he overhears his folks talking about him. They must not know about his super-hearing. You could really screw with someone's head when you know he can hear you from across the farm. The Kents are discussing something about Clark and thinking, so you know it must be bad. Clark walks into the kitchen. Bo, wearing his Mighty Brown Vest of Stern Parenting, asks Clark why the hell he's got a financial aid package from Central Kansas, a university I'm going to guess is not exactly Princeton as far as Bo is concerned. "It's where I'm going to college," Clark announces, and quickly averts his eyes because it's a shameful, shameful thing. Bo asks, "What happened to Met U?" Yes, what did happen to Met U? It has lost my respect as a credible university when its scholars couldn't calculate the distance between Smallville and Metropolis. Boo to you, Met U! Bo asks what happened to Ohio and Miami. Ohio? When was Clark considering Ohio? It's a credit to the show's genius that we've gotten so far into Clark's head that we can anticipate these moments that seem to come from out of nowhere. Clark says glumly that it's so he can stay closer to home. Dude, you can sprint across the country in, like, ten seconds. How close to home do you need to be? MamaKent nurtures by saying that starting in a new city with new friends is tough, but that Clark can't let that hold him back. Bo digs into the cookie jar for a particularly stale platitude, saying that this is one of the most important decisions Clark is going to make in his whole life. "You don't think I know that?" Clark says, with a hint of sass. Hit him, Bo! Bo asks if Lana is going to Central Kansas. Clark says he doesn't know, and that this isn't about Lana. That pisses Bo off even more: "Oh, then this is about us. You don't think I can run this farm without your help." Clark says that this is where he's needed. Damn. I was really looking forward to Miamiville. Bo says that Clark's destiny lies beyond those cornfields out there. By the way, have you shucked the corn today, Clark? Bo's not going to let Clark turn his back on that for the family. Clark stares, blankly. He's thinking very hard about cargo pants. "Now I've got a farm to run," Bo says, giving Clark the stink-eye. He exits. MamaKent asks Clark if that's really the reason. Clark visualizes himself in those Old Navy pants. Mmm, pockets.

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