Talon, outside. An American flag is waving. The marquee should read, "It's okay, foreign visitors. We won't stack you into pyramids or point at your genitals. Unless you order it." The place is buzzing. Crazy Alanis is working the counter, but tries to avoid eye contact when Clark comes in. "The first cup of coffee is free," Alanis warbles to him when he approaches. Clark says he's just looking for Lana. Lana's the other decaffeinated beverage around here. Chloe has told Clark that the last time she saw Lana was with Alanis at the Talon. Alanis lies to Clark, telling him that Lana already left for Paris. Clark doesn't believe she'd just leave like that, two days early. "She said something about...hating goodbyes," Alanis says. She whispers her dialogue even more than Lana. Clark turns and flees. Alanis stares after him with deadened peepers.

The glass cage on loan from the Hannibal Lecter estate. Alanis, grinning, brings in a tray with TV dinners. "They're our favorite. With the brownie," she says. Lana tries to play nice and says, in a friendly tone, that they can still be friends without the, you know, imprisonment. Crazy Alanis asks how they can be best friends if Lana's moving away. Touché, pinky. Lana says they can write letters, and homegirl can come visit her in Paris. Alanis doesn't go for it. Alanis says they'll have fun together and one day, if Lana is good, they can run The Talon together. Lana gulps. Lana tries to reason with Alanis about the dynamics of friendship. Alanis counters that a friend is someone who would jump in a river to save your life. Shit, Lana. I guess it's a caged life for you. Lana still doesn't get it. She says a friend doesn't keep you locked up. Alanis says that Lana will get used to it. She did, too. Lana thinks people will come look for her. Alanis says everybody already thinks she went to Paris. It's a shocker only to Lana. She starts to cry. We go to commercials.

We went to lunch with my parents today and it came up that my dad used to be a Smeagol. (I say this because of the commercial for the Chintzy Edition of Return of the King I'm watching.) So, my dad: the one time we went finishing together when I was a wee lad, we went to a waterfall and there were two fish that had just gotten stuck on the rocks as soon as we got there. He grabbed the two big fish and said, "Let's go home!" That was our fishing trip. My dad was a little Smeagol there. We joked that he was singing a song and beating the fish against the rocks. That's my dad!