Smallville
Forsaken (1)

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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The Ross Is Off The Bloom

Hands on a scrapbook. Somebody's flipping through a fawning tome of photos and news stories about Lana Lang. Al and Miles? Is that you? One of the newspaper clippings has the headline "Landmark Talon is closing." The subhead -- which you can't quite make out -- reads, " 'World's Best Cappuccino' discovered not to be." A teen girl with long raven hair is lying in a girly bed, poring over the book. Tinkly, creepy music is playing. The girl is hiding her scrapbook behind an oversized children's book called Megan's Zoo. The sequel is called Al's Taxidermy. "Time for lights out. 'Night, Emily," a voice says over a speaker. Holy crap! It's Creepy Crazy Little Girl, all teenaged up! She looks a little gothy, sort of sleepy-eyed Alanis Morissette crossed with Zooey Deschanel. Creepy Alanis is being watched through glass by a doctor, who is monitoring her with way too many computers. "'Night!" Alanis says chirpily, and goes to bed. The doctor logs off, making an audio note of it into a log, and leaves. Alanis cuddles with Bunny Buns, the stuffed version, and pretends to sleep until the coast is clear. On a flat-panel monitor, we watch her sneak out of bed and walk toward the glass partition with her scrapbook. She dissolves and walks through the glass and wall. She can pass through solid matter now? Oh, for fuck's sake.

Talon. The marquee has finally changed. It reads: "Burrito Ole Coming Soon." "Burrito Ole"? I guess that's no worse than "Taco Bueno." Inside, a guy is drinking coffee from a paper cup that he got somewhere else. Oh, the irony! The place is closed down, and presumably this is the new owner. He's got blueprints that he reads in the dark. Smart. Just as the guy puts on his coat to leave, something rustles his blueprints. Spooky music plays. A paint can is knocked over. Now the guy is freaked out. "Hullo?" he calls out. He comes back into the room to investigate. Bad move, buddy. Don't you know what happens to extras on this show? Creepy Alanis suddenly appears. "You're ruining it. It's perfect and you're ruining it," she tells the man. The guy, amused, confuses her for Lana Lang and tries to reassure her that she signed the papers and should shut the hell up. Creepy Alanis isn't happy. She sticks her hand in the dude's chest; it looks like a shadow puppet when she does it. He bleeds. She pulls out nothing. But still: MOOORTAAAL KOOOMBAAAAT! Homeboy falls dead. "It belongs to Lana," Creepy Alanis says. Alanis wins! Fatality.

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Smallville

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