Forsaken (1)

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
The Ross Is Off The Bloom

Opening credits. Guess they'll have to change them after this episode or the next one, huh?

Basketball outside the Kent Farm. Hey, it's Pete! How's it going, Pete? Wanna take a few shots? For the last time? Bwah ha ha ha ha ha! Clark seems to get a little annoyed that Pete made a shot when his friend receives his basket change. Don't show off, black man! Pete says that someone's moving to Wichita. It's his mom, and she just got a federal judgeship. Clark says that was fast. Yeah, like last-episode fast. Pete says that his father is staying in town. Eek. Divorce. The Great Divider. Clark deduces that the separation has officially hit Code Orange. They're not moving to Florida, Clark. Pete says he held off from telling Clark because he knew that's when it would sink in. Kind of like telling a really smart dog. Or a dumb dolphin. Pete snarks that Clark is the only one left in the Nuclear Family Zone. If by "Nuclear," you mean "from outer space." Clark says that Pete's family isn't gone. It's just...changing. Bo should slap that platitude right out of your mouth, Clark. Clark says he knows what it's like to have your parents hide things from you. All I know is that Mama Pete is one fine lady and her husband must be a dumb-ass. Good thing we'll never see him. Pete says it's weird to think that the people you thought had all the answers are just human like everybody else. It's like when I wrote to that Mr. Henshaw, my favorite author, and he wrote back an annoying letter making stupid puns like saying his name was "Messing A. Round." You should write to him, Pete. He's good with kids who have divorced parents.

Clark asks what Pete's going to do. Pete cheers up and says he didn't go through three years of high school to miss senior year. Oh, Pete. You poor, poor bastard. "Wish Lana felt that way," says Clark. No sympathy. Clark's just pathetic. And how great a friend is Clark to change the subject back to himself? Pete advises Clark that the whole yo-yo relationship thing is not good. "You sound like Lex," says Clark. Sexy? Clark says that Lex thinks the reason Lana is leaving is Clark. Pete says, "I'd hate to agree with Uncle Fester, but I don't think Lana is going to Paris just to see the Mona Lisa." What if she just wants to get the hell out of this shithole mutant-spawning stalker town? Did you self-centered asses ever think about that? Sheesh. Oh, and "Uncle Fester"? Not cool. That reminds me that, in high school, we had this thing of Uncle Fester that came up at Fire Prevention Week. Maybe I've told this story before, but we had to write fire prevention songs to sing to elementary school kids. One of the ones my friends wrote went, to the tune of "The Rose": "Some say fire/ it is a killer. That killed/ your mom and dad. Now you're living/ with Uncle Fester/ the child molester/ boy oh boy, aren't you sad?" Clark asks whether Pete ever wishes he didn't know Clark's secret. Pete says it's rough at times to cover things up, but that nobody's ever trusted him so much before. That's because you're Sneaky Pete! Pete asks whether Clark is thinking about telling Lana. Clark misguidedly thinks it will keep Lana off that plane if he does.

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