Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: A | 2 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Going to the Chapel

...right into the corner of the nearest building. He falls into the street. Chloe winces and scampers after him. Lucky for him no one saw his smooth move. "Chloe, this killer headache is affecting my abilities," Clark says, bracing himself on a lamppost. "This might be more difficult than I thought." The universe decides to cut him a break and sends him a clue in the form of two teen girls who seem to have arrived in Metropolis by way of Harajuku. They are both wearing shirts that bear Emil's name and likeness -- or a likeness of him dressed as Vegas Elvis. Chloe stops them and asks where they got the shirts. In answer, one of the girls holds up her MP3 player to show Chloe a video of Emil singing to an adoring crowd. "One night and he's already famous," Clark says. "Well, Emil always was an overachiever," Chloe says. She sends Clark off to deal with Emil while she calls Oliver. Clark nods and walks away at a much slower pace this time.

Nameless club. Emil's singing an uptempo number that is vaguely (very vaguely) reminiscent of Elvis. It has something to do with friends and shooting people or something like that. The phrase "how do we do" is repeated a lot. Apparently, it's cheaper to write your own song than buy the rights to use a real one. After a few moments singing solo, Emil is joined on stage by Tess, whose outfit seems to be one part '60s housewife, one part go-go dancer. Clark walks into the club, taken aback by what he sees. "The one guy I counted on remaining sober," he says. After a few seconds, an attractive young woman approaches him. She's wearing a chauffeur's outfit and a knowing smile. "Do we know each other?" he asks. "So you did have fun last night," she flirts. Clark's probably thinking, "Aw crap, how many women did I marry?" Clark decides to change the subject. He's looking for Lois. He says she "probably insulted you more than once." What a charmer your fiancée is, dude. The description definitely rings a bell for the driver. "She was there when I dropped you off, but was gone when I picked you up," she says. Clark stares and furrows his brows into an assortment of shapes. The driver takes pity on him and tells him they were at the "Chapel of Love." Clark is reaching all-new levels of despondency. At this point, two cops barge in calling for Emil by name. "We got some questions about an armored car that was stolen last night," one of them says. They drag him off the stage and cuff him. Emil seems unperturbed by the whole thing. One cop says something about the car "vanishing into thin air." That, unfortunately, sounds familiar to Clark. Tess comes up to him, laughing and calling him "Clarkie." "There's only one person that I know who can make an armored car adios in seconds." She points at him and makes a "pop!" with her lips. Clark's brow knits a sweater.

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Smallville

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