Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: A | 2 USERS: C+
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Going to the Chapel

One of the phony cops is currently beating the snot out of a bound Emil in the storage room of some as-yet-unknown establishment. The phony cop wants the money. A new guy enters the scene: "One more Elvis cover out of you, and you'll be eating those blue suede shoes." The shoes appear to be white pleather, but the point is taken. Also, the new guy looks kind of like Ben Kingsley and is wearing a suspiciously feminine diamond ring on his left pinky. (Presumably he's Amos Fortune, so let's call him that.) There's more Elvis-related conversation and then a death threat if Emil doesn't give back the money. Emil protests that he's already told them he didn't steal the armored car. "It was Lady Luck that brought you to me," Fortune says. "I mean, what are the odds that you would be an overnight sensation on the same night that I was looking for you?" Emil's brain almost explodes from the stupidity of it all. "Post hoc ergo propter hoc," he says. "It's a fallacy!" It's also Smallville writing, dude. Just go with it. Fortune has his thugs turn Emil toward a TV and plays back a surveillance recording. The van is parked in an alley (people gotta stop doing that) when Chloe in her wedding garb prances into the shot, squealing, "A monkey! Hee!" Her drunken friends join her, as do three armed thugs. "Watch this," Clark says, whooshing away with the van. The friends, including Emil, all cheer and laugh. Emil is stunned. "I don't know what burns me more," Fortune says. "The fact that you took my money or the fact that you took my lucky lemur." The lemur couldn't have been that lucky for you if your money still got stolen. Emil thinks that "someone" was actually trying to prevent a robbery. The thugs in the video are the same thugs who grabbed Emil. No one told Emil you're not supposed to tell the bad guys that you're onto them. "Break him," Fortune says to the thugs. Emil looks like he's going to poop his Elvis suit, thank you very much.

Fortune Casino. Oliver and Lois have followed her boobs to this place. It looks like someplace your grandma's church friends would go on Saturdays. Actually, scratch that. This place is too tame for that. Hardly anyone is drinking, no one is smoking and the floor is more brightly lit than Denny's at midday. Oliver guesses Lois would have been playing Black Jack, and Lois agrees, citing her record as "three-time champion at Fort Dix." A wave of dread comes over her. She wonders if she bet her ring. Oliver doesn't think she'd do that. A guy with Wayne Newton hair and a bolo tie comes up behind her. "I thought I told you never to come back here." Lois probably gets that a lot. Oliver says she lost her ring, but Wayne says she bet it. "She was rakin' it in, trash-talkin' the boss, so he won the ring off her." Except for the part with the ring, it sounds like a normal night out for Lois. Wayne tries to get her to leave, but Lois refuses. She thinks she only would have bet the ring if it were a sure thing. See, that's why it's called "gambling." She accuses Wayne's boss of stacking the decks. Wayne, who must be new to villainy, glances around in shame-faced silence. Lois catches sight of the boss sitting at one of the tables, wearing her ring. He's Fortune Kingsley, of beating Emil fame. Lois fumes. She pushes up her sleeves. "Here comes the bride," she says, stomping off towards her target. Oliver's like, "Aw, no," but does nothing to stop her. But before Lois can get to Fortune, one of his guards and Wayne escort her and Oliver off the floor. Meanwhile, four feathered and sequined showgirls take to the casino's tiny stage.

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Smallville

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