Smallville
Freak

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Omar G: B | Grade It Now!
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Chloe Gets Freaky
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Michael Rosenbaum directed this episode, and, hey, it's a good one. Nice going, dude. You just might have a future in Hollywood after that hair grows back.

We start at Smallville Lanes, which is a nice change of pace from: castle, barn, hospital, weird lab with neon lights, Vancouver building. The camera pans across the colorfully lit lanes as we see bowling activity from the pins' point of view. Hey, don't hit me, now! I'm delicate! We cut to a very tiny Lana Lang swinging a bright orange bowling ball. Like all balls that Lana touches, it goes straight for the gutter. Lana shrugs as she turns and says that maybe bowling isn't her calling. Check that one off the list. Only about a million career choices left to explore. Lana says it's one of the last doctor-approved exercises she has left. Lana's pregnancy is not even showing one tiny bit. I don't know what she's going on about. It's not like there's umbilical cord hanging out that's gonna get snagged in the bowling ball return. Chloe grabs a ball and says that she likes bowling as much as the next person, but that she was expecting something a little different for the bachelorette party. It's just Chloe and Lana? Where's Lois? Aunt Nell? MamaKent? Any girls at all that Lana went to school with? Gay BFF? Chloe swings her bright ball, which also goes to the gutter. Scoring this game is going to be so easy, guys. Lana mock-claps. Looking genuinely happy, she says she could have invited a bunch of girls to go out on a night on the town in a limo (which girls?), but that this seems so much more special. Is it the eight-pound balls or the shoes with the moldy insoles? Chloe, seemingly unconvinced, is skeptical about scarfing down chili fries and knocking down pins. Oh man, chili fries sound so goddamn good right now. "With my best friend," Lana says, "like we used to, one last time." Is Lana going to die? Chloe says that she's getting married, not moving to Antarctica. Lana says that she's also having a baby, and that these girls' nights out are going to be harder to come by. Chloe suggests that they document the night. She goes to grab a nice tiny digital camera that was just sitting off by itself, ready to be stolen. Chloe takes a picture as Lana flashes a big cheesy grin. "Cute!" says Chloe, gritting her teeth. Oh, it's so painful making her feel more pretty, isn't it? Ow, pain, right in the gut.

Cut to a young Asian dude who works at the bowling alley. He's spraying down a pair of brown shoes that don't look like bowling shoes at all. Where's the multi-color clown-inspired leather design? He watches as Chloe takes a picture of Lana either trying to surf or pretend she's swinging an imaginary ball down the lane. Bowling for Concubine decides that he's going to be the mack daddy of the alley. He walks over as Chloe says that she's taking a last picture of Lana before she becomes Lana Luthor. Is the wedding that soon? "Wow, that's weird," says Lana. BfC interrupts to say that Lana's form is perfect, but that he noticed her wrist was a little off. Luckily, he has a way to use her wrist that'll get it into perfect shape. He offers a pointer. Indeed. Chloe asks who'll man the shoe fort. He says that his shift is over, so he couldn't care less. Only he says he "could care less." Which he shouldn't. BfC gets next to Lana and tells her to point her elbow straight down the lane. Also, to disrobe. Lana says that she'll try, but asks him not to sign her up for the pro bowl league. BfC tells her to trust him because he's got a magic touch. Lana swings wildly. The ball goes toward the gutter. Bowling stares hard at the ball. Twinkly "magic dust" music plays. The ball curves back toward the center. Strike! "AAAHH oh my God I did it!" screeches Lana. BfC smiles. Chloe says that it's the last frame, so Lana gets to go again. Lana grabs another pinkish-orange ball. "Remember what I said," BfC tells her. She swings without much form at all. The ball sails to the center and knocks down all but one of the pins. Bowling for Concubine continues staring. The last pin falls. Lana screams and laughs. Chloe throws a suspicious glance at Bowling. Lana high-fives BfC and Chloe. "Good job, Lana," says Chloe, without much enthusiasm. BfC says that if Lana gives him her number, he can share a few more tips. Like this tip right here. In my pants. The one that's actually at the end of a penis. I don't like to be too subtle. Lana says she's not sure her fiancé would approve. She flashes her ring, with the diamond side facing into her palm. He didn't notice her ring when he was giving the tip? "Oh. Yeah. Probably not," says BfC. He doesn't persist like that randy Daniel Radcliffe kid. Lana thanks him, for some reason. He walks off. Lana asks Chloe to take one more picture. Chloe just stares after BfC.

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