Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Clone Wars

Elevator. Chloe spills the contents of her purse onto the floor of the elevator. MP3 player, that a purse within the purse? Chloe says that she hasn't read C-4 for Dummies, but that she figures it must be something in this pile that's going to explode. Jimmy finds a strip of photo-booth pictures featuring him and Chloe. It's awfully cute. Chloe says forcefully that the photo strip is not supposed to be in there. Jimmy finds a small gift box with a red bow on it, and opens it. Chloe is about to say that her Secret Santa wouldn't have put it in there, but when Jimmy opens the box, there's an electronic device with giant type that reads, "C-4." And in case that wasn't helpful enough: "COMPOSITION 4." Would-be bombers, remember: always put the label facing down. Extreme close-up on Chloe, who says, "Oh, wow. I have the worst Secret Santa ever."

Adrian, dressed as some sort of black-clad security guard, is reading Lois's story. He just realized that he really picked the wrong reporter. Lois says that it's all in the story: "LuthorCorp's first functioning clone." Lois is convinced that the story is true, given the lengths to which Adrian is going. Adrian stares at his reflection in a nearby window. He touches his face. My God, I'm theatrical! He says that his body won't hold out; he'll be dead by Christmas. Maybe he can convince Santa to cart him away by sleigh. He asks whether Lois celebrates Christmas. Yeah, even though she's idiostic. He starts reminiscing about old Christmas portraits they used to take. His ugly sweater, Mom's fake smile, and Dad missing his football game. Dude, that sounds shitty. Lois tries to use this to get him to feel bad about the danger he's putting Chloe into. "You'd think," Adrian says darkly. He says he went looking for his Christmas memories and discovered that they were all fiction. He says that a scientist downloaded them into his brain. That scientist couldn't write fiction for shit. Adrian says that he remembers these things like they're real. Lois says that by tomorrow's early edition, the world will know what Lex did. Yeah, the paper can't wait to run your shitty, misspelled, one-source story that you wrote in, like, twenty minutes. What a scoop! Lois wants Adrian to let Chloe go. Adrian says that Lois isn't done yet. He wants her to convince Lex to confess what he's done. Good luck with that. "Don't make me remind you what's at stake," Adrian warns. More dramatic music. This episode sure is padded with lots of unnecessary dramatic close-ups.

Elevator. Chloe is holding up her cell phone and trying to shoot a video of herself. She says that they're in the central elevator of the newspaper, with a bomb: "Hurry, please, Clark!" Amusingly, we see that Chloe is standing on Jimmy's back as he's on all fours on the floor. "Clark?!" Jimmy asks. He moves, and Chloe falls. Her cell phone lands on the floor and breaks. Chloe's heel lands on Jimmy's hand. Jimmy asks why she wasted her one phone call on Clark. Chloe says that she didn't realize they had so few flares. Jimmy is annoyed that she didn't call 911, and asks whether Clark is going to dismantle the bomb with his great hair. You think...Clark has great hair, Jimmy? You noticed? Chloe says that Lois's note means she's being watched by the bomber. She asks what it would look like if a SWAT team trampled through the bullpen. Kind of cool, actually, And expensive. I guess this is better for the budget.

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