Commercials. A new Hilary Duff movie! I could not have foreseen that. Studio executives are hella smart.
Kent Farm. Someone's reading The Daily Planet. The front page shows Papa Luthor holding up his hands. They're in cuffs. "GUILTY!" the headline reads. "Jury returns verdict in high-profile case," the subhead says, with a byline of "Perry White." Wish we could have seen him reporting. Or the trial, for that matter. Bo Duke, reading the paper at the dinner table, says it's good to know there are some things even Papa Luthor can't buy his way out of. "Thanks to Chloe," Clark mutters. Bo puts his paper down and says that as much as he hates to admit it, Lex contributed too. Bo says that Lex made good on his promise to protect Chloe. Clark, drinking milk, points out that Lex got control of LuthorCorp out of it. Clark says it's going to take more than this for him to trust Lex again. The parents love Lex and Clark shuns him? I'm not liking this Bizarro World version of Smallville. MamaKent points out that Lex has been surrounded by inexplicable things since they met. You can't blame a guy for wanting the truth, right? Apparently, Clark can. Clark says the truth is Lex has been lying to Clark from day one. SO HAVE YOU! Dumb-ass! Clark says that the cave walls warned him that he'd have an enemy. Clark says he was so worried about Papa Luthor that he never considered the enemy right be right in front of him. And under him. And on top of him. But mostly, behind him. "I think it's Lex," Clarks says. Yawn.
The Caves of Contrivances. The new Frenchified Lana Lang is swinging a flashlight around. She's looking at cave drawings. "Oh, look! That one says I was gonna go to Paris and meet a cute boy! And this other one says that I should have bought more makeup at the Printemps store!" Clark, wielding his own flashlight, finds her. "Lana," he says. He's right, for once. Clark asks what she's doing down there. "Probably the same thing you are," she says. Masturbating? She says it's peaceful. Not if you're masturbating. (Let's see if I can work that word in a third time here.) Clark says she's "2 for 2." He says she keeps showing up when he least expects her. She's like 0 for 5 billion in my book. Lana says she's not trying to surprise him. Clark says he didn't expect to see her so soon. Lana's got some decent makeup on today, and earrings that complement her black clothes. Maybe it's finally the end of the Pink Era. Lana says that after all they'd been through (and all we've been through), she thought it would take longer for them to get over it. "Us?" Clark asks. Lana thinks Clark is dating Lois. Clark is pissed. "She's bossy. She's stuck-up. She's RUDE!" Lana looks at him like a puppy that just wet itself. "The best ones always start that way," Lana says. She knows this from her many years of experience as...what? Dr. Phil's assistant? A syndicated advice columnist? Someone who's had more than three boyfriends in her life? I demand to see your credentials in love, Lang. Clark's mouth twitches. His brain is working to try to figure it all out, but it's running on a twenty-watt bulb. Lana looks up and sees the symbol from her back on the cave wall. Luckily, it's a well-lit natural cavern. "Do you believe in destiny?" Lana asks. She moves creepily toward the cave wall as she asks the question. This is usually when a high-school boy says yes so he can get laid. "I don't want to," Clark says. Things were so much simpler when he was in the cave alone, masturbating. 3 for 3, bitches! "But you can't escape it, can you?" Lana asks. Maybe it can't escape you. Lana says that's the case even if you don't know your destiny yet. Clark asks what Lana's not telling him, and whether it has something to do with "this guy" she just met. Lana darts her eyes around. "No, no, no it doesn't," she says. Lotta "no"s. Got it. Lana apologizes that Clark found out the way he did. She would rather he walked in on them necking in a truck with homeboy's hand down her pants. That's low, Lana. She leaves. Clark looks like he's been punched in the gut. He looks up to the cave wall for comfort, but only sees his cave symbol having lower-torso sex with Lex's cave symbol. Clark decides to go back to masturbating. Ooh, 4 for 3!