Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Chloe Lives!

Paris. Unless they built a full-scale Eiffel Tower and surrounding cityscape somewhere else in the world. We're looking at the Sharpie tattoo on the lower part of Lana's back. Technically, it's the small of her back, but since her biological dad was Henry Small, that could be anywhere on up to 50% of her body. The "tattoo" has got two balls, two black spots on the far ends, and a curvy shaft running between the balls. I see nothing gay about this whatsoever. Aw, who am I kidding? It's the Gayest Tattoo of the Episode. We pull back to show Lana looking through photos on her computer. Lana must not have many snapshots to go through, because they seem to cover her life from age six to last year in about four photos. Lana has a photo of Clark with a backpack slung over his shoulder. He's standing in the Caves of Contrivance, next to a symbol similar to the one on her back. Lana zooms in on the symbol. Yep. I'd know that shaft anywhere. Just to underline it some more, Lana stands up and backs that (flat) ass up to a long mirror that was previously in the bathroom. Lana's wearing a blouse with no back, the better to inscribe with Sharpie. Mysterious music plays. Lana's back just blew her mind.

Kent Farm. No cow shots today. MamaKent and Bo Duke are looking at Lois and Clark as if they just flayed a baby and cooked the parts in barbecue sauce. Mmmm Chili's. Lois says she doesn't see what the big deal is. They just took a shower. "Showers," Clark corrects, emphasizing the plural form. "At noon?" MamaKent asks. Hasn't she ever heard of a nooner? Lois tries to come up with a lie, but Clark says they went to Chloe's safe house. Lois gives Clark the female version of That Look. Bo is sucking on a mint or something. Clark says that some dudes chased them to a corn field. He says there was dirt. In a corn field? Whoa! Bo wiggles forward, with his arms still crossed. He says that's a federal crime scene. He says that the last thing they want is for the kids to get involved with the FBI. Is it because of Iraq? I bet it's because of Iraq. Lois says that they don't have to worry about it since the helicopter is face-first in the middle of the field. Did Lois hear what she just said? Clark gives his own version of That Look, but with a little more jet lag than Lois did. MamaKent still can't believe this is happening. She's wondering if she wasn't better off with Clark off in a cave and her husband in a coma. Lois says their "non-verbals" are killing her, so she offers to let them deal with their family issues in private. She goes upstairs, giving Clark a sarcastic "Way to go" as she passes. Clark wants to kick her ass. That ass is now wearing jeans in addition to Clark's red plaid shirt. Bo waits for Lois to leave. Bo asks Clark to tell him he didn't crash that helicopter. Define "crash."

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