Smallville
Gone

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Chloe Lives!

Meanwhile, back at the ranch. Clark is doing some vehicle work on a tractor. A black SUV pulls up. Clark puts his wrench away shamefully, as if he were killing possums with it. He wipes his hands on a rag. Lana emerges. "Lana!" Clark says, "you're back." Yeah, and it has a tattoo on it. Lana says hi in a way meant to convey that Lana doesn't really want to see him, but actually conveys that Lana maybe should be wearing her glasses right now and can't focus on anything in front of her. Lois also comes around. "How did you two --" Clark begins. Lana says they just met. Lois fills in a few sketchy details about a "Ginsu Boy" who attacked her at Chloe's grave. Lana says that if Chloe's still alive, she wants to help find her. Clark walks about one foot, but far enough for the camera to do a full spin around him. He says they don't know anything for sure. That's especially true of Clark himself. Clark says Lana's back from Paris, so that must mean she found what she was looking for. Lois opens her mouth and this comes out: "I'll say. Who wouldn't want a hot summer fling in the most romantic city on earth?" Urp. Lana sputters that she was going to tell Clark. Why? Why would she have to? Goddammit, Lana, stop being such a damn wishy washy emotional sponge! Clark says it's all right. Lois hilariously says, "Really?" while squinting at Clark and Lana. "You two." Clark and Lana exchange lines about how they never really...not really...had a thing...it's complicated. Not really. It was just long and boring. Lana and Clark stare at each other for about five hours. When her eye sockets have completely dried out, Lana decides to go. "The awkward tension is just getting started!" Lois announces, and then winces. Lana gets into her SUV and leaves. Lois says, "Really crashed and burned on that one." Clark says that must be a daily ritual for her. Er, I think she was talking about you, Clark. Lois says that's only true when she's barreling into a train wreck. Is that what we're calling the Clark-Lana stuff now? I couldn’t agree more. Only train wrecks happen a lot faster and with a lot less suffering for those watching.

The Barnness of Would-that-there- was-Solitude. Lois says that she and Clark need to do some investigating: LuthorCorp paid for Choe's funeral. How did the major media outlets miss that? Oh yeah. They're only doing one story a week now. As they walk upstairs to the highest level of this multi-story barn, Lois asks why someone would bury an empty casket. She's never been to New Jersey, huh? Lois keeps asking Clark questions. Clark is in zombie mode. He turns. Huh? Wuzzat? It seems that Chloevage runs in Lois's family. "Wow. She didn't take any prisoners, did she?" Lois asks about Lana. Clark makes a few faces. "Lana: cute. Smart. Gutsy. And way too much for you to handle," Lois says. Way to try to make us hate Lois, guys. Lois says she can see why Clark is in love with Lana. WHY!?!? Why, God, WHY!?!?!? The more we resist Lana, the further she gets pushed down our throats to convince us that we're wrong about how bad a character she is. Guess what. We're not wrong. We haven't been wrong for three seasons. Why would we start liking her now just because Lois Lane says she's gutsy? Bad move here. Very bad move. Clark says that Lois isn't the person he wants to talk to about this. Lois relents, and goes to whip out her laptop. Clark take a long pause, and then spills his guts anyway. "It's just..." Clark begins. He knew Lana would be dating other people, but he doesn't feel like he knows everything about her anymore. Lois keeps finishing his sentences. Clark gets annoyed. "Well, am I right?" Lois asks. Clark doesn't get to answer. We see flashing lights as a helicopter storms the barn. Clark heads toward the window. Closed captioning says that somebody yells, "Stay right where you are!," but we don't hear it. Lois grabs Clark to lead him downstairs, but before they can make it, they're stopped by IRONSIDE! IRONSIDE! approaches Clark. He's so awesome. "Hi, Daddy," Lois says. She smiles and cocks her head at Clark. This is about as good as we get as far as dramatic revelations these days, people.

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Smallville

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