Barn. Clark is lighting dark blue and red candles one by one. With his eyes! "You in here, Clark?" a woman says. It's Desiree, the teacher with the derriere. She says it's hot for all those candles. Clark is surprised. He calls her "Mrs. Luthor." Wearing a hot red number, Desiree says that's only at school. She says she saw the light on in the barn, and nobody was at the house. Clark says his parents went into town. Dum dum DUUUUUM! All the fanfic writers are checking their copyrights right now. Desiree says she came to see Clark. "Really?" Clark asks. She says that most girls like older men, but that she likes younger guys. She walks over to him and says that what they lack in experience, they make up for in passion. And baseball cards. She says she saw Clark staring at her in class. He stumbles back and falls to a sitting position. She says she was flattered, and wants to work on their student-teacher relations. Heh. "Relations." She puts her hand (with the huge ring on her finger) on Clark's shoulder. He mentions that she's married to his best friend. I thought Pete was Clark's best friend. Damned alien traitor. Desiree opens her mouth a little, and her pink pheromones come out and into Clark's mouth. She leans back like she's going to go south, but instead moves forward and tries to kiss Clark. He avoids her like cooties and wriggles away. Clark says that Lex is his best friend, and Clark's not going to hurt him. Desiree apologizes and asks Clark not to tell Lex. She leaves.

School. The Torch. Chloe and Clark are looking at a computer screen showing a picture of Miss Thang. She doesn't look quite as cute, and she apparently changed her name. You mean "Desiree" isn't her real name? I'm heartbroken. Clark asks Chloe what she'd say if he told her that Alison Sanders (Desiree's real, less strippery, name) came to his loft and tried to seduce him. Aw, how cute. Clark fell asleep with the Penthouse Forum draped across his chest again. Chloe says words to that effect. Chloe asks why Desiree would possibly be interested in Clark. "Thanks," Clark answers. Chloe's going to get her revenge on Clark, an ounce at a time. Clark says that Pheromona was "dissing" Lex. Was she also giving mad props to her homies and dropping chronic plates on yo ass, Clark? Chloe says that the conversation is going from merely nauseating to genuinely disturbing. Yay! The real Chloe's finally back. Clark says that Desiree has some strange hold on Lex. "Gee, I wonder what that could be," says Chloe. Chloe says that they're talking about Lex; he must have considered all the possibilities before saying "I do." Clark says he's going to talk to Lex. He asks Chloe to keep digging. "Where there's smoke, there's fire," Chloe says. "Excuse the aphorism." Clark has no idea what that means, so he leaves the room.