Episode Report Card
admin: B+ | Grade It Now!
Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot!

Somebody from the WB must have a bug installed in our forums, because damned if this episode isn't exactly like the kind of talk that goes on in there. People get their desire on, superhormones are charged and flying around like a co-ed high school production of HBO's Oz, and even the staid Kents get to do like Salt 'n Pepa and talk about sex, baby. I don't know if it's art, but I do know that I like it.

All the banners at Smallville High must be stuck at the dry cleaner, because the only one sitting at the front of the school today reads simply, "Welcome back!" in red letters against a yellow background. Welcome back from where? It seems an entire summer has passed since just last week, when a tornado ripped up hearts and trucks alike. The first thing we see inside the school is Clark, talking directly into a camera that somebody's holding. I guess I just never noticed it before, but Clark's got major Salem's Lot teeth. For some reason, he's moving around a lot as the hand-held cam follows him and his big red sweater. A "REC" signal at the top right continues to flash as Clark greets Jocko Whitney, that blond Adonis who left for the Marines last season. I'm wondering if maybe somebody issued a Code Red at Guantanamo Bay and Jocko got the snot beat out of him by his fellow troops. I suppose we won't know for a few more episodes, which is fine because I'm not sure I could handle the truth. Clark mumbles about it being warm where Jocko is and then backtracks and says that what he's saying sucks.

We back away to a traditional camera view and see Lana, holding her recorder, telling Clark to just say what he feels. What if he feels like eating a Mounds? Because sometimes you just feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Pete walks up, wearing a backpack in a way wholly inappropriate for a teen. You're supposed to have it slung coolly over one shoulder, Pete, not strapped tightly to you like you're hiking the Adirondacks. Pete asks what's with Clark Kent, "movie star." Clark explains that Lana is putting together a video letter for Jocko. "I thought it was the least I could do," Lana says. Lana's right. It is the very least. Pete tells Clark to watch how the pros do it. He smoothly explains that the town is rebuilding after the storm, that the first week of school is a bear (bear?! Where!?!), and that the town is suffering from its worst heat wave in twenty-five years. I live in Texas, where it gets so hot you can fry an egg on an ice cube's ass. I have no sympathy to give. Pete bottom-lines: Stay safe, come home soon. (Or never. Whichever works for the show.) He adds that the football team is toast without Jocko on offense. And on defense? Totally scones. Lana laughs, shuts off her camera, and says that was perfect. She's wearing a new necklace, and her makeup doesn't look all shoveled on like it did the first season. Don't hate me, but Lana looks good -- and not in an unearthly, Crossing Over sort of way. "Yeah, super," Clark says. I groan. Pete walks off, telling Clark not to choke this time. He means with Lana, of course, although the line made me think of Lex Luthor. Lana asks whether Clark wants to give the video another try. They agree that Clark will give it another shot at the Talon later, perhaps over a wildly overpriced latte.

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