Smallville
Heat

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot!

Lana walks off, and Clark stares after her. Chloe comes up and snarkily says, "Good to see some things never change." Bitter? Yeah. Bit him, too. Hee, I love that joke. "Chloe!" Clark exclaims, and gives her an awkward, tall-guy, short-girl hug. Don't they walk to school together anymore? Why is he just seeing her for the first time? Chloe hugs back, her eyes full of remorse, regret, and longing. Or maybe it's just eye shadow. Chloe -- who is showing off some Chloeavage again and has brought her flippy hair down to a flat fall -- mentions her wild summer as a Daily Planet intern. I'll say it again: newspapers hardly ever hire freshmen as interns. Especially high-school interns. Most are set up for college juniors and seniors with an eye toward possible hiring. I don't think anyone's quite figured out how old these "students" are supposed to be. Just then, some old guy in a green shirt randomly walks by in the background. I thought this was a teacherless school. Clark says he'd heard from Pete that Chloe was a big hit and that he thought they'd lost her for good. Chloe says that her dad decided to come back and give "Lexcorp" another shot. Clark touches Chloe on the upper arm, and then puts an arm around her, saying he really missed her. So what happened between Clark and Lana over the summer? We don't get any of that gossip? Chloe complains about the number of emails Clark didn't send her. Oh, man, I hate it when Chloe is all needy and clingy. She's better when she just don't give a fuck. Clark blames the farm. Yeah, and the four minutes it takes him to do all his chores every day. Where did all that summer time go? Was Clark building a space station or something? Clark says he wants to hear all of Chloe's stories. She strangely says there were no stories (yeah fucking right -- just like there was no news in that huge tornado), but that she did meet a really hot boy intern from Metropolis High. Was his name Jimmy Olson? Because I hear he might be gay. Chloe backs away, saying that this boy made her forget all about Smallville. By the way, everyone in this episode is covered by a shiny sheen of perspiration throughout. Even Clark, which means that aliens haven't figured out how to beat sweat, either. Some alt-crap music that I didn't even realize was playing is turned up. Chloe walks off, but looks back needily as she goes. Spine, girl! Grow one!

A school bell transitions us into a classroom of the science variety. A classroom? In Smallville High? Well, I just never thought I'd see the day. Clark and Sneaky Pete walk in; Pete's already bitching that Mrs. Kowalski, a supposed teacher, is an old lady who's going to show them an ancient sex film. I imagine those old, brown, grainy prints that look like Nine Inch Nails's "Closer" video. Clark says, "Who told you that? Your brother?" Pete has a brother? That we've never seen or heard about? I'll bet he becomes a Krypto-mutant in a future episode. Pete says his dad told him. Clark says he's sure it can't be that bad.

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Smallville

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