Smallville
Heat

Episode Report Card
Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Feelin' Hot, Hot, Hot!

Speaking of suspect vows, here are MamaKent and Bo Duke in the kitchen of Kent Farm. (Slogan: "You should be eating all that zucchini.") MamaKent is looking through bills with a fan spraying tinsel and air toward her. "Hoo!" Bo yells as he comes in. MamaKent wants to know why they don't have air conditioning. "Electric bill," Bo says. MamaKent gives him a Death Look. Clark walks in, interrupting their playful banter. He tells them about the fire. He also reveals the awful truth: that he may have started it. Yes, it's true. He may be an Ejacupyromaniac. Why is Bo sporting Homer Simpson's stubble? Clark says his eyes felt hot and the spot he was staring at burst into flames. So how is this different than what happens whenever Clark looks at Lex? MamaKent is incredulous. "Hello?" Clark whines amusingly, "Hi, I'm Clark, the kid who can lift up tractors and see through walls." They press him further, and he has to explain what was happening when his eyes did the big spurt. When the words "sex educational film" come up everything stops and MamaKent and Bo are a little stunned. I really like this scene. "This could get very complicated," Bo says. Yeah, tell that to our forum posters. MamaKent says it may be hormones. Clark whines that he's maturing into a firestarter. Yeah, maybe someday he can be a coach in a crappy episode like "Hothead." Bo says they just have to get a handle on this ability. Clark points out, pointedly, that his other abilities don't make things burst into flames. No, that's just natural charisma. MamaKent advises Clark to stay home and work on the problem. And when he's in the bathroom, he can say he's combing his hair.

We cut to a champagne bottle being opened and the liquid shooting out in a gust. Okay, look, people. I am not making this stuff up. What am I supposed to do with that, huh? You've actually got me worried that I'm going to offend Wing Chun with all this and that she's going to thing I'm making the show more sexual than it is. For once, I'm not! ["Yes, I'll have to get in five extra hours of Bible study this week to make up for offending God with what I'm reading here." -- Wing Chun] We cut to Lex and his new bride as they cut their wedding cake. She had to work on her wedding day? We pan down; there's some CGI splicing going on. Lex's castle is made to look like it's looming above an outdoor party area. Desiree sucks cake off Lex's finger, then he puts the finger in his own mouth. The laughs just keep on coming. Clark stands in the background holding a champagne glass and looking disappointed. He spots Chloe, who is wearing a truly strange outfit that would not have looked out of place on Pat Benatar, circa 1982. They make small talk. Clark says that Chloe's been a little distant and asks if things are fine between them. She says things are "hunky dory." Clark says there's definitely something wrong since the only person who uses that phrase is his father. Chloe spouts off about how she let her emotions get to her, but now she's all better with their decision. Her spunkometer is back in its proper alignment after last week's depress-fest. Oh, and sorry to use the word "spunk" again in a recap that is already full of it. "I can't believe Lex is married," Chloe adds, steering the conversation toward safer shores. Chloe says that love isn't always logical and that maybe they have the right pheromones. Clark looks confused. "Chemistry, Clark," she says. "Some people have it and some people don't." Chloe walks away, her zinger firmly in place.

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Smallville

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