Episode Report Card
Omar G: C | Grade It Now!
The Dread Zone

Cheerleader Girl is standing beside Coach Suicide's bed. She's crying. She says that if she could change anything about that night, she would. She'd warn Justin, or tell the costume designer to sew the red lingerie in tighter, or she'd tell the CBS cameraman to cut away sooner. She says she doesn't remember why she and coach's daughter were fighting. Lana stands at the doorway and tells Cheerleader Girl, "Don't do this." Self-pitying is Lana's monopoly on this show, and you're on her turf, bitch. Cheerleader Girl says that the daughter left that night because she and Coach's daughter got into a fight. Cheerleader Girl and Lana both wish they had gone after the girl but, as Lana says, neither of them knew what was going to happen. It's not like one of them has a green necklace with magical powers or anything. Cheerleader Girl says she should have at least told the coach. Lana says he's under sedation. Sadly, he was just reciting the lyrics to a Ramones song and they misunderstood his request. If Cheerleader Girl keeps making that scrunchy face, it's going to freeze like that. "I'm so sorry," she whines pitifully to the sleeping coach. Lana casts a long glance back in the doorway as they leave. I'm pretty sure having Lana in your hospital room is like feeling a goose step over your grave. A pink goose. The sweaty coach opens his eyes. He was awake the whole time! Dumb broads!

Smallville High. Lots of extras mill about. L'il Dead Zone is coming down the stairs, trying really hard not to bump into anyone. It's not easy. Someone puts a hand on his shoulder. We flash onto a billowing CGI shiny red cape with the Superman logo on it, flapping in some sort of beautiful flying cosmos thing toward earth. In the distance, a shining bright light with lots of halos. It's the Gayest Flight of the Episode. And that cape is FABulous! "Ya's FLOWING...and ya floating...floating in a most'a peculiar WAY!" L'il Dead Zone retreats from his cringe, like, "Hey, that cheese wasn't so bad. May I have another sample?" It's Clark. Touching. Clark apologizes for dropping the mentor ball the day before. He promises to give L'il Dead Zone two big mentor balls later to make up for it. L'ilDZ says that the coach was lucky Clark was there that day. L'ilDZ just wishes his dad hadn't seen it. Clark fibs that the school is rarely that exciting. Why must you turn your alma mater into a house of lies, Clark? Clark says his parents wrote the book on being overprotective. That's why you have your own Big Gay Disco Barn, right, Clark? Clark moves to put his hand on L'ilDZ's shoulder, but the kid backs away and says he doesn't really like to be touched. Show us on the doll where the bad Death touched you, L'il. Clark says, "Fair enough." A student bumps into L'il Dead Zone, and things flash orange for a second as he cringes. "Ya part on the'll be SMALL!" It happens again with a girl who looks like There's Something About Mary who comes up from behind. "Ya hair... It has SPERM! A sticky substance...Ben Stiller baby battah." "What?" L'il Dead Zone asks. Clark looks at him with concern, but stops short of offering some Midol. He says that the kid had that same look before the coach was almost hit by the car. Clark says it's like he knew something was going to happen. L'il Dead Zone needs some air. Clark watches him avoid people as he goes.

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