Episode Report Card
Omar G: D+ | Grade It Now!
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Well, that was a lovely little vacation. Sometimes, though, I would turn on the light while going to the bathroom in the middle of the night, and there Smallville would be, just out of the corner of my eye, reflected in the mirror. Sometimes, I'd wake up from a nightmare and turn in my bed, and instead of my wife, it was SMALLVILLE! And now, when I'm in the shower, I'm afraid to wash my hair. Because I might open my eyes and find Smallville standing there! It's like I always feel like somebody's watching me (watch Smallville). Luckily, Smallville is back, and I've returned to writing about it, so the show doesn't have to sneak around and try to scare me anymore.

We begin at nighttime in a hip warehouse district of Metropolis, where young people can't wait to go to a club called "Stride." That's's also the name of a chewing gum. That must be some kind of weird coincidence. Inside, there's an expensive lighting system, loud music, and a crowd. Jimmy Olsen is there with Kara. She doesn't seem to be impressed by the club or by being there with Jimmy. She asks if he's sure they used to go to places like this. Yes! Totally! And, according to Jimmy, you used to totally give him blowjobs in the bathroom. In fact, it's about that time, if you don't mind, ya little amnesiac. Meet you there? Kara looks around as the lights make her face go alternately red and blue. She says she's drawing a blank. Jimmy says it'll come back. Now, about those blowjobs... Jimmy offers to introduce Kara to his favorite "bevvy." How is she supposed to remember something that doesn't even resemble English in the first place? Jimmy leaves a hot amnesiac blonde alone in the middle of a nightclub to get drinks. Stupid, stupid Jimmy.

We cut to people standing around, not dancing. A familiar face pushes his way through the non-crowd. Hey, that's Pete Ross! He's even wearing a hoodie, for old times' sake. Pete goes to the super-hip DJ (he's not quite as cool as DJ Jesus) and asks if they have any more gum for the promoter. Heh, almost like the name of the club. What a weird coincidence. "Look around. We're in a gum factory, Einstein," the DJ says. Wait...what? Stride is the name of the club, and it's in a gum factory? Holy shit! I think this was intentional! Why, I've been bamboozled! I feel right manipulated! Damn you, corporate Americaaaaaa! "Right," Pete says and walks off. The Closed Captioning says Pete retorts with, "Bite me very much, jerk." I kind of like that.

Pete walks back to a giant room where, indeed, gum-mobilizing equipment is being utilized. Gum may seem benign, but it requires forklifts, boxes, and warehouse space to get it from the factory to your gaping maw. Pete looks around dubiously until he sees an open box atop a set of pallets of boxes of Stride gum. Pete makes a horrifying lips-pursed face. His salivary glands just activated something fierce.

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