Smallville

Episode Report Card
Tippi Blevins: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Red, White and Blur

Coffee shop. Lois and Perry sit at a table outside, nursing their mugs of coffee while a waitress looks impatient for these fools to leave so she can go home. Lois, on the other hand, is thrilled to be there. "Is this what it was like when you busted the Star City strangler?" she asks. Perry doesn't remember much about those days, as he was still partaking of the moonshine. A woman in red appears on a rooftop across the street. There in the world is Carmen Sandiego! Lois and Perry notice her and set out on a ridiculous path to meet her. It involves clambering up a newspaper dispenser and racing up a series of fire escapes, which proves to be relatively easy for Lois but less so for Perry. He huffs and puffs and asks Lois for one final request. "Don't talk like that!" she says, reaching the roof. "It's not pretty, but it has to be said," he says. "I think I deserve first position on the byline." Heh. She urges him up and he gives it his best, uttering a "Great Caesar's ghost!" to titillate the fanboys. As he reaches the last rung of the last ladder, the bolts give way. The ladder swings away from the roof and crashes into an adjacent sign for Atlas Emporium. Perry swings perilously from the rungs like a puffy pinata. A small crowd gathers on the streets below. It looks to only be four or five stories up; if he timed it right he could probably break his fall by landing on a bystander. Lois rushes off and brings back an extension cord, the end of which she tosses to Perry. As he grabs the cord and lets loose of the ladder, Lois is yanked off the rooftop by the sudden momentum of his weight, yelling, "I knew I should have paid attention in physics class!" in the moments before she splats onto the pavement.

Well, that's what should have happened. Here's what the show shows us: As Lois begins to hoist Perry up, the Atlas sign breaks away from the wall and falls toward the street. The bystanders duck like that's going to help anything. Lucky for them, Clark whooshes onto the scene and catches the sign just before they can be turned into people paté. He stops there for a moment, the sign in his hands, and surely half a dozen or more people just got a look at his pretty face. Then he's off to the rooftop where Lois is still pulling Perry up to safety. Clark watches from a safe distance, smiling when he's sure Perry has been rescued. The crowd below erupts in applause. Lois waves at her admirers. "I think I could get used to this," she says. What, creating your own perils and then rescuing yourself from them? Clark smiles with pride before whooshing away.

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Smallville

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