Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
I'm Your Firestarter!

Inside the Box of Sweat, Clark is still throwing green stones. Bo Duke is just outside, looking for him. He comes upon the sauna and sees his almost-dead gay, I mean, "his Superboy" in trouble. After several attempts and increasingly dramatic music, he breaks through the door. "It's meteor rocks," Clark moans as Bo pulls him out. As soon as they're out, Coach busts Bo Duke on the back with a fire extinguisher. Clark's hand turns from wrinkled to purty and he gets up to start fighting. Coach tries the fire-extinguisher thing again, but Clark just blocks it with his hand. Then he kicks the coach, and the guy flies through a glass fire exit and lands painfully on a bench, then the floor. Coach gets up. "You need help," Clark tells him. "What I need is to win this game!" he answers. I liked it better when Dennis Hopper played all the villains. "It's too late for that," Clark says. Coach starts to shake, and flames sprout up everywhere. Clark is unaffected. He walks calmly through the flames, and his clothes don't even ignite. The special effects here? Not top notch, I can tell you. Shocked, Wonder Coach asks, "How'd you do that?" Clark takes off his coat and says, "It's in the genes!" which is just a lame-ass line. Coach throws a punch. Clark dodges and punches him back, flinging him effortlessly against the shower walls. "Give it up, Coach! You've lost!" Clark shouts. Wonder Coach gets mad. Very mad. More mad than we've ever seen him -- even more mad than when Kevin would break something on The Wonder Years. He gives a mighty scream and flames erupts all around him. Clark doesn't look too sad to see the coach burn to death right before his eyes. Goodbye, Villain #3. There is no honor in beating up Kevin Arnold's dad.

Stately Luthor Manor. Nighttime. As Papa Luthor storms in, Lex gets up and says he's flattered: two visits in one week from his dad. "What is this?" Papa asks, pointing to a report. Lex says he figured out a way to cut operating costs so the company wouldn't lose a single employee. Papa says that he specifically told Lex to cut those jobs. "With this plan you don't get the bad P.R.," Lex says. You know, when a company lays off people, they get bad publicity, but their stock usually soars. Sad fact of life. Papa gets mad. "Careful, dad. You're getting emotional," Lex says. "We could always try a rematch." Lex pulls out a foil. Was it always like this in their house? "Son. Take a bath." "No, dad. Let's duel for it!" Angry, Papa Luthor says, "You get one." "One what?" "One chance to defy me." Lex says he can't figure out what dad hates more: the fact that Lex came up with the plan or that Papa Luthor didn't think of it himself. Papa Luthor says that empires aren't built on clever bookkeeping. Lex delivers the line that's supposed to give us chills: "You have no idea what I'm capable of." I got about a third of a chill there. Then Lex does a weird, flirty smile. You really gotta watch those facial expressions, Lex.

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