Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
I'm Your Firestarter!

Football field of dreams. Clark and Pete, all suited up, come out of the tunnel as the cheerleaders cheer. Clark asks whether Pete has seen Lana. He hasn't, but Bo Duke is in the bleachers. Clark is wearing a #89. When Clark goes over and says it means a lot to him that Bo is there, his dad tells him that he doesn't support Clark Bar's decision, and is only there to see that no one gets hurt. Bo Duke is the biggest killjoy in the history of dads. Clark looks sad. Aw. First play: Clark gets his ass tackled by four guys after a handoff. Wonder Coach yells at him, grabs him by the facemask (fifteen yards!), and yells for him to stop looking at the stands for Bo Duke. "Get angry! Kick some butt!" Coach says, and punches Clark in the chest. Rock music starts playing as they call the same play. This time, Clark barrels through, like, five guys, tossing people aside; then, using somebody as a stepladder, he leaps over some tacklers like a little bird, pushes one more guy aside, and runs for the endzone. He even does a little high-stepping on his way. Bo Duke looks pissed. He gets up and walks off, I hope to a store to replace his ratty-ass brown coat. People in the stands cheer Clark on. Bo Duke leaves the field.

Wonder Coach's office. He's watching Clark on video, where Clark is doing his girly leap over the tacklers. Principal Smooth enters, wearing a not-quite-so-fashionable blue suit jacket with khaki pants. Coach turns off the TV. "Ah. How's my favorite football fan?" he asks. Y'all -- I think he's being sarcastic. Smooth says that one of the players has come forward and accused the Coach of supplying them with the test. Overly dramatic music plays, and the light on Principal Smooth is cut by the window blinds. WB noir? Coach denies this, and asks which boy told that dirty lie. Then he asks whether Smooth already tried to get the coach suspended with the school board. "You have a lot of friends in high places," Smooth says quietly. I love Principal Smooth. "I coached most of them. I'm an institution," Wonder Coach says. I'm annoyed with him already. More about the twenty-five years. Smooth says that he's going to try to get the other players to come forward. Coach gets mad at that. He gets up, slams his hand on the desk, and, WHOOSH! The TV set is on fire! Coach looks scared. "What the hell is going on here, Coach?" Principal Smooth says. Smooth takes his briefcase and walks out, right past a fire extinguisher. He just left the room, with the fire still going. He is the worst principal ever. I take back my liking him.

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