Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
I'm Your Firestarter!

Football field. Sprinklers are going and Coach is interrogating seven players -- the ones who cheated, we surmise. He wants to know who ratted him out. He yells and effuses and it's all very Patton. One wussy blond guy says, "No college will even look at us with cheating on our record!" His name is Trevor, which I've always thought is just a funny name. Coach comes over and slaps him right across the jaw. At that moment, the sprinklers start shooting bursts of fire. It looks pretty cool, actually. The players look around as the sprinklers continue spraying flames. Pretty soon, big chunks of the field are covered in fire. More yelling. More fire. Coach tells the players to keep their mouths shut. It's very hellacious. Wonder Coach walks off, and we see Chloe standing by a rail taking pictures with her digicam.

Homoerotic exchange ahead. John Glover as Papa Luthor walks in carrying a newspaper and tosses it on Lex Luthor's desk. With his strange, wonderful, singing voice, he congratulates Lex for making the business page. Lex is in a blue shirt and sitting behind a Mac Titanium Powerbook that I covet. We see Papa Luthor from the front, and he's got huge wavy hair and a big beard with gray in it. He's totally compensating for his son's baldness. Lex says he'd already told Dominic what he was planning to do. Papa says he had it dutifully reported to him by a "drone." Lex asks why Papa didn't just call. Papa Luthor goes on about how there's a reporting structure and it doesn't differ just because Lex is his son. Aw, Papa. Don't preach. "That wounded-pride routine may have worked with your mother, but don't try it with me!" Glover/Papa says after Lex tries to make him feel bad for not treating him all special. Papa comes around the desk as he says this. He reaches out a finger and tries to touch Lex on the cheek. Lex pulls back. "You know perfectly well how I feel about you," Papa says. Is that a threat? Lex complains that he's working in a "crap factory" in Smallville. Papa says that the Caesars would send their sons to the farthest reaches of the empire so they'd learn about the world. Lex doesn't buy it. "Here's how I propose we solve our impasse," Papa Luthor says. He pulls out a sword and proposes a fencing duel. Damn. In my family, we just arm-wrestled. The deal is if Papa wins, Lex has to fire the workers. If Lex wins he gets to keep them. "So the question you have to ask yourself, Lex, is...are you good enough to take your old man?" Lex looks at his grinning old man intensely. I blush.

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