Smallville
Hourglass

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Omar G: B+ | Grade It Now!
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Future Shock

Crusty Old Man's room. Classical music is coming out of the record player, but Clark lifts the needle and stops that shit right away. This is Smallville, dammit, and if it's not crappy alt-rock music, we ain't having it. Clark confronts Crusty Old Man about the picture of Zoe under his bed ("I was just reading the articles!" he should cry), and accuses him of being Piano Man. Crusty Old Man is defiant, and says he doesn't need to explain anything. He lies there like a big old slug. He also asks about Clark's father and grandfather. "I'll be watching you," Clark says, with something that wants to be menace. Crusty Old Man calls a nurse and starts to whine and cry that he's being harassed. Clark could take a few whining lessons from this master of the game. The nurse shoos Clark out of there. Clark mopes right out.

Pond bridge. Crusty Old Man, in his wheelchair, looks over the edge of the bridge into the fishy water below. He takes a long look and then pitches himself over the edge and into the pond. I still can't figure out how he's able to tip a motorized wheelchair over so easily. Electrical buzzing. Seen it. Been there. Got it TiVoed.

The Torch. The Scooby Gang is digging up dirt on Crusty Old Man's past. A joke is told about Lana keeping an eye on him, and Chloe and Pete react with silence. That's almost funny. Lana walks in and announces that Crusty Old Man is missing again. Way to watch, Lana. Clark points out that there are meteor rocks in the pond. "At least now we know how he's doing the time warp," Chloe says. Lana is all, "Wuh?" and Clark says he'll explain later, but I'll bet he never does. Clark says that they have to figure out who he's going to kill next. Chloe pulls out a list of jurors from Crusty Old Man's original murder trial. Clark reacts with horror when he sees his grandfather's name on that list: "Hiram Kent." "Harry's gonna kill my dad!" he says. Oh no! Bo Duke!

Quick cut to MamaKent opening her door to Piano Man, smiling his weird toothy grin and saying he's there to investigate a gas leak. Suspenseful music. Commercials.

Out Cold. You'll be lucky to be in that condition in the theater if you go see that movie.

Back at the Kent home, MamaKent is in grave peril. Piano Man tells her he's there to fix a gas leak. MamaKent says she doesn't smell gas. Piano Man tells her that Bo Duke called it in earlier, and asks if he's around. MamaKent gets all smart and asks about their regular gas man, Curt. I really want to meet Gas Man Curt. Piano Man says that Curt is on vacation. "That's right," MamaKent says and excuses herself for a minute, closing the door behind her. She quickly goes to the phone, but, OH NO! Piano Man busts in through a side door! "Curt isn't your regular gas man, is he, Mrs. Kent?" Piano Man asks. MamaKent asks what Piano Man wants. "To kill your husband," he says simply. "What did Jonathan ever do to you?" she asks. Piano Man says, "Nothing," but that Bo's father did. He moves forward, and MamaKent finally has something to do on this show: she picks up a glass vase and cracks it on the side of Piano Man's young noggin. Then she runs, grabbing some keys on her way out of the house. She tries to get into her car, but the front tire is flat. She runs to the barn. Piano Man follows as very fast music plays.

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Smallville

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