Smallville
Hug

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Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
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Shake, Shake, Shake!

The lair of Young Chris Isaak. A deputy arrives asking whether YCI had some sort of problem. YCI gets up and does his handshake magic. "I need you to take care of an old friend," he says.

An old friend in jail. Kyle is sitting on the floor, back against the bars, looking as if he's trying to balance his checkbook in his head. Another jail guy (not the deputy) walks in and tells Kyle to get on his feet because he has a visitor. Jail cell is opened. Kyle goes out. When the jail guy tries to put handcuffs on Kyle, the green glow thing happened. What I want to know is how Kyle built up his powers all those years. Was he talking bunnies into scampering extra-hard in the woods?

Outside the jailhouse on the street. Kyle, in a jail outfit, is walking right in the middle of the street, in whatever is the opposite of "inconspicuous." "Kyle!" we hear. Clark somehow recognized him. Must be the ass. Kyle turns around to face Clark. Just then, Hypnotized Deputy pull out a gun and fires. "Nooo!" Clark yells as a bullet flies past his head in slow motion. Clark, faster than a CGI bullet, races ahead to meet it. Even though things have slowed to Bullet-Time, smoke is still billowing in the background at near-normal speed. Oops. Clark gets to Kyle and tackles him out of the way. We don't see where the bullet landed. Hypno-Cop keeps firing, flattening police tires paid for with your tax dollars! (If you live in Vancouver, that is.) Hypno-Deputy goes over, but Clark and Kyle are gone. Hypno-Deputy looks puzzled. We go to commercial.

Victoria's Secret is advertising on this show again. I finally saw Michael Rosenbaum in drag in Sweet November. And Sorority Boys is coming out soon. Coincidence?

Stately Luthor Manor. We know this because we're watching the bubbling fountain outside. Inside, Kyle is laid out on what looks like a psychiatrist's couch. A doctor who looks like a cross between Riff Raff from Rocky Horror and Chris Elliot's character in Scary Movie 2 is administering the kind of doctorly care where he just looks concerned and hovers over the patient. He's wearing an earring and pulled-back sunglasses and is so scraggly that scraggly people are considering boycotting this show because of the overly scraggly portrayal of the scraggly doctor in this show. Kyle, wearing a gray tank top, looks peaceful. Lex asks how bad it is. The tank top? "It's no worse than when Ozzy snorted that row of fire ants down in Queensland," the doctor answers. What? Is this guy on a whole other show? Ozzy? Fire ants? What? Clark, concerned, goes over to Lex and asks if the guy is a real doctor. "He was," Lex says, explaining that the doctor (Feelgood!) is now an on-call specialist for celebrities (in Kansas?) and billionaire sons. Clark asks how Lex knows the guy. "Long story," Lex says. "What's a guy gotta do to get a drink around here?" Dr. Feelgood asks. I love this guy. "Finish sewing," Lex answers. Lex further explains that Dr. Toby Feelgood is discreet. Lex asks why Clark thought he would harbor a fugitive. Clark says his parents would have freaked. "You're the only one I could trust," Clark says. Trust, trust, TRUST! "It's easier than that knife wound of yours," Dr. Feelgood says suddenly. "Club Zero? Remember? You bled all over my Mustang." Damn, the episode about Club Zero cannot come soon enough. Who wants to bet that Lex knows the words to every New Order and Erasure song? Clark smiles weakly. Lex asks if they can talk to Kyle now. Dr. Feelgood packs up his things and says that Kyle will be conked out till the morning. "My usual payment?" the good doctor asks. "Brown bag on my desk," Lex says. Clark just stares Dr. Feelgood down, and not in a good way. Dr. Feelgood leaves. "You'd better get home. It's late," Lex says to Clark. Where's Boobs McChesty in all this? Not that I'm complaining about her lack of screen time, but did Dr. Feelgood conk her out first? "Atticus," Lex says, stopping Clark as he's leaving. "You may want to change your shirt." Good lord, I think he's going to do it in front of Lex! Clark looks down at his shirt and then walks out of the room. Lex sighs -- in disappointment, I think.

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