Episode Report Card
Omar G: B- | Grade It Now!
Dirty Pool

Tori runs. The guy follows, picking up speed. He tries to find her amid anonymous building fronts. He sees something bubble in a courtyard water fountain. Steroid Athlete walks closer to the fountain. A gel-like clear substance floats along the top of the water, and then slides off the edge of the fountain and into a lower pool of water. It bubbles below the surface. Steroid athlete stares into the water. It also stares back at him. A big hand made of water reaches out and grabs him, pulling him into the shallow not quite abyss-al fountain. COLD! The athlete flails in the water. Tries to breathe. Fails. The music gets loud. He spasms, and then drowns in the shallow water. With any luck, he'll go to heaven and smack Aaron Spelling across the mouth himself. The camera cranes back overhead. Death be not dry.

Opening credits. Commercials. Very long preview of Disturbia. Ah, I see that Shia LaBeouf hasn't aged at all since The Battle Of Shaker Heights.

Back to Metropolis at night. It's storming. Chloe opens a door to a dank office in the offices of The Daily Planet. Lana follows. Chloe says that Lana surely didn't cancel her social calendar to come discuss Chloe's investigative work into the dwindling pigeon population. Before she can be more playful, Lana interjects that Lex proposed to her. Chloe, who was turning on some lights, freezes and says, "...and?" Lana says that she hasn't given Lex an answer yet. Chloe guesses that went over well. Lana says that they're in a great place, but that when she heard the words, she couldn't make herself say yes. Chloe -- whose hair is really big and poofy this week -- asks if it was something like Clark that caused that reaction. Lana says that when she was with Clark, she would have said yes without hesitating. And that would have been the worst marriage ever. Wait, no...Britney and K-Fed. All right, second worst marriage ever. Close second. Lana says she thought that chapter of her life was over. So did we, Lana. So the fuck did we. Hesitantly, Chloe steps forward and suggests that Lana talk to Clark directly so that she can close the book forever. Close it! We're begging over here! Lana has to think on that one. "Let's go," says Chloe, taking Lana out of the room to who knows where. A nearby water cooler bubbles. Oh no! The water has ears!

The Talon. Jimmy Olsen walks out through the back looking a bit shifty-eyed. He skulks by the dumpster and sees a woman. "ScoopGirl?" Jimmy asks. "Hotshot485?" the girl replies. It's Lois. Oh, jeez. Who forgot to put the trashy girl in the Dumpster? (Hey, Tom Welling directed this episode. Congrats, dude.) Lois's smile fades when she sees Jimmy. "You've gotta be kidding me!" she says, tactfully. Jimmy, bemused, says that he's not the one trolling the internet all night for Green Arrow pics. Indeed. "Don't you have a boyfriend?" he asks. Lois gives him a dirty look and asks if he's got the photos. He asks if she has the cash. Where's Lois getting disposable income? Lois exchanges cash for an envelope, asking how Jimmy was the one photographer in Metropolis to get photos of the "merry archer." Jimmy says that he has his connections. "No, really," Lois insists. Jimmy says that he hung out in Suicide Slums for a long time, with his pepper spray and his doors locked. Lois isn't impressed with the photos: "A bunch of arms and legs? Nice work, hotshot!" She gets mad at Jimmy for not managing to capture a single face shot. The least he could have done was take a picture of Green Arrow getting out of his car with his vagina flashing. Lois says all these photos tell her is that Green Arrow needs a Band-Aid; one of the pictures shows a nasty gash on Green Arrow's left arm, near the shoulder. Jimmy shrugs.

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