Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!

"I thought she'd never leave," says a woman's voice behind Clark as he stares moonily. Clark turns and sees a girl, about twenty-five years old, with stringy curls and a huge clunky round jewel hanging from a string necklace. The jewel looks like half an Easter egg from a toy vending machine. The girl's wearing tons of makeup. She's HypnoHo. "Hi," she tells Clark. "I'm Simone." Clark gruffly says, "I was just leaving." Maybe he's got a stop to make at the adult bookstore, too. "What's the hurry?" she asks, touching her big, ugly neck stone. Clark peers at it. The camera zooms inside. There's a funky red eye in it, sitting in a nest made of dryer lint. Clark needs Frodo to come and destroy it. The viewpoint comes back to reveal Clark staring goofily at the camera. They're using some sort of half-fish-eye lens. Ew. Half a fish eye. HypnoHo assures Clark that he won't be going anywhere until she tells him to. Clark agrees. HypnoHo, smiling, says that Clark is going to believe everything she says and will do anything she asks. First, act like a chicken. "What do you have in mind?" Clark asks.

We cut immediately to a chain-link fence behind The Talon. Ah yes. The Last Seduction. Only this chick is no Linda Fiorentino. Come to think of it, Linda Fiorentino is no Linda Fiorentino these days. A song that I'm guessing is called "My Dirty Little Secret" plays as Clark and HypnoHo kiss against the fence. They neck. Clark grabs the girl's leg under her short skirt. I think I see some butt. Clark puts his hand up her shirt. As they're making out, a foot emerges from the driver's side of a very overexposed vehicle. It's Lois Lane, carrying a bag of groceries. "Smallville?" she asks. "What the hell are you doing?" Clark introduces HypnoHo as his new girlfriend. Lois makes a movement with her chin and then squints. No pithy remark when one is actually needed? Disappointment.

Lair of Lex. On his glass desk, Lex has maps of Honduras and other documents laid out. But all that's on hold while he cruises for cut men on the internet. Oh, here's one. Dr. Milton Fine. Lex is looking at a Central Kansas University profile page of Professor SoFine. The camera glides up from the laptop screen just as Lana is walking through the door. She says she got Lex's text message. It read, "I like Shakira. How bout U?" Lex apologizes for interrupting Lana's Saturday night (or "Shower Head Nightcap Night," as she's come to call it), but thought she'd be interested in something he found. Lana says that she was on her way back to Metropolis. What's up? Lex comes around the desk. He says his father taught him never to show his hand (insert gratuitous masturbation joke here), but that he considers Lana a partner. She asks if he found the ship. Nope. But he says he tracked down Professor SoFine. Lana doesn't get the connection. Lex, going over to open a blu botol of water, explains that SoFine was hanging around the spacecraft when it disappeared, and that he went missing the same day the ship did. Lex has surmised that it wasn't a coincidence. Lana eyes the maps on the desk and guesses that the dude's in Central America. Lex figured out that SoFine was last seen in Honduras. He says his jet leaves in an hour. Forgetting her night of celibration, Lana offers to go with him. Lex says he appreciates her passion, but that he doesn't know what he's walking into and won't risk putting her in danger. Lex has been shot a few times and always ends up getting tied up and knocked out. He knows of which he speaks. He promises to tell her everything when he gets back. Maybe in a text message. Lana stares at Lex. Angry squirrel.

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