Episode Report Card
Omar G: C+ | Grade It Now!

Clark grabs his pants at superspeed and follows Lana down the stairs. He grabs her arm. It's hilarious that he's still shirtless. "Lana, wait!" he says. Lana turns. Oh no. You pissed off the squirrel. Prepare to have your nuts harvested. Lana, teary, says, "This is why you couldn't spend the night with me." Clark takes a beat, and then says that he's fallen in love with someone else. And to make matters worse, it's a woman. Lana turns without another word and gets out of his sight. She turns a corner of the barn and grabs onto a pole. She breaks down, crying as she squats on the floor and holds her mouth. Acting!

Commercials. Even more heartbreaking than Lana's breakdown? The fact that Rob Schneider, David Spade, and Jon Lovitz have to play second, third, and fourth bananas to Jon Heder when they do a movie together.

Lair of Lex. HypnoHo, wearing a short white skirt and slinky brown top, walks into the billionaire's office. She calls for Lex. Lex suddenly appears via webcam on a flat-panel TV. Gratuitous shot of HypnoHo's legs framed next to the TV from a very low angle. We see a small camera mounted on the TV. "Don't you look delectable this evening?" Lex says. It's the same night? What is it, like, 6 in the morning? She asks if she'll ever get to meet the "billionaire boy wonder" face-to-face. Lear of Lex. Lex, in his private jet, is talking to his laptop. He says that, as much as he'd like to examine HypnoHo up close and personal, he prefers to hold on to his free will. Lex asks about her progress. HypnoHo says that Lana won't be sending Clark any more Valentine's Day cards. Awesome! "And what about Clark?" Lex asks. Will he be sending Lex any? Lex asks if HypnoHo's discovered anything unusual about the farmboy. "Absolutely," she says. Lex leans toward his computer with interest: "What is it?" She says that Clark Kent is the most extraordinary..."kisser." She smiles. Lex, devastated, hangs his head. He knows, he knows... "There must be more," he says. He knows, for instance, that Clark is tops with his hand and some spit. Lex asks if there's anything else. HypnoHo says that, with Clark, what you see is what you get: a corn-fed farmboy. Lex sighs. HypnoHo says that, now that she's done what Lex asks, he can leave her alone and get out of her life. Testy! Lex says that there's someone else he'd like her to Honduras. Lex is going to get a totally sweet deal on some cigars and coffee. HypnoHo says that this was a one-time deal. Lex reminds her that he just unearthed evidence that could put her away forever. HypnoHo sighs into the webcam, defeated. Lex insists that she can do one little favor for him. He'll be back the next night, and they can discuss it then. An assistant of Lex's on the plane says that he has "Roberts" on a secure line, and that Professor SoFine isn't who they thought he was. Oh really? And who's this "Roberts" person?

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