Jimmy and Lois are staking out the nefarious Metropolis Good Samaritan out on the street at night. Of course, they're mugged by a random criminal. Lois does a good job fake-fighting the guy off, but is almost hit by a car during the melee. Luckily, Clark whooshes into the scene and saves her. Not-so-luckily, Clark is photographed by Jimmy. This puts Clark on Red Alert, sending him into a panic we haven't seen since High School Boner Shame '02.
The photo Jimmy took turns out to be a red and blue blur. Hmmm, whom do we know who wears bright red and blue all the time? Jimmy begins an investigation into the person in the photo and, without much prompting, realizes that it must have been Clark all along. Rather than adding him to their hero cabal, Chloe and Clark flat-out lie to Jimmy. Didn't we just learn that Jimmy and Chloe aren't supposed to have any secrets? Anyhoo, Clark tries to get Oliver involved, but Oliver is on a plane with some incredibly hot chicks and isn't too keen on actually working. Who is this guy? Is he a whole different character this season?
Meanwhile, a new reporter at the newspaper asks Lois out on a date. He has the ability to read people's past by touching them. It turns out he's a Black Creek refugee working for Tess. She wants to know if Lois has any information on her missing blue crystal. She doesn't. But she does know that Touchy Feely is a meteor-infected villain and has been staking him out the whole time; she knew all about him from the stolen flash drive she found at Luthor Manor. It was for a story the whole time, not just a random dating-your-coworker situation like what we'd expect from Lois. Touchy Feely doesn't want his secret exposed, so he tries to kill Lois, but Clark intervenes again, stopping the shooting. Clark does get touched, though, and suddenly one more person knows his secret.
Clark and Oliver stage an idiotic street robbery to try to convince Jimmy that Clark is no hero. Jimmy isn't convinced until he stands next to Clark and sees the hero up on the rooftop. It's Oliver wearing a blue outfit and a giant red cape. Suddenly, Jimmy gives up his theory about Clark. Clark, however, notices the adoring crowd that has been wowed by Oliver's rooftop shenanigans and starts to believe that a public hero might be able to give the city hope. He thinks the cape looks ridiculous, though. Oliver decides that partying is for suckers and that he's ready to return to fighting crime, and being all pious and shit. Whatever, Brad Pitt.
And one big mindfuck at the end: Chloe goes to the hospital to see Touchy Feely. She touches his hand and makes his brain overload, killing him. Apparently, Chloe has a little more of Braniac in her than she was willing to admit. All hail the flippy-haired robot queen. At least Clark's secret is safe for now.
Metropolis, nighttime. Is it always a full moon in this city? The camera droops down amid residential buildings to show Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen walking along an old Sex and the City set. Lois is complaining that she writes about news, not about fairy tales including mythical saviors whom nobody's ever seen. Oh, Lois, was it really that long ago since you worked for The Inquisitor? Don't they run stories about The Alien? Jimmy, wisely holding back comment on Lois's ugly green top, tells her that he doesn't have a face or a name, but that this "Stealth hero" is as real as it gets. Just stealthy. He might have passed us just now! Lois says the only stealth hero she knows of wears green leather and plays with arrows. Is his name... Green Arrow? I'm just guessing here. I haven't read ahead. Lois says she thinks the guy has hung up his bow. His Bo? The show hung that up in Season Five. Jimmy, holding his camera sans lens cap for no reason, tells Lois that this guy is "Light years beyond" bows and arrows and that she should trust him that this'll make their careers. Why do these characters keep talking about how a single story will make their careers? It doesn't work that way. In fact, even the award-winning newspaper people these days are just trying to focus on keeping their jobs. Keep your eyes on the prize, kiddos: gainful employment. We cut briefly to a pirate-looking dude across the street. He has a beard, messy hair and a grimace. Arrrr. Lois is telling Jimmy that without a photo, his story is as plausible as that of the Tooth Fairy. I'm sure that's in the works for the latter half of the season, too. Jimmy plays with psychology. He casually says that he's telling Clark about the story over dinner later. Romantic. Lois asks if Clark is coming to dinner with them. Did you think it was a date with Jimmy? Jimmy tells Lois he figured she was too much of a cynic for this story, but that C.K. will be all over it. Lois says that as shocking as it might seem, "Smallville" is no hack. Well, now I know she's definitely talking about Clark and not the show. Jimmy can't believe Lois is giving Clark a compliment, however back-handed. Lois is about to nervously refute that when the creepy guy from across the street suddenly rushes at Jimmy and pushes him against a nearby wall. He punches Jimmy, who falls to the ground. The thug, who is wearing a mask, points a tiny knife at Lois and demands her purse. "You're robbing the wrong chick!" she tells him. She kicks the knife away and then starts swinging her arms, but the thief grabs her and they begin to struggle. She manages to pull off the guy's mask and instructs Jimmy to take a picture of his face. Jimmy, who has a gash on his forehead, reaches for his camera. Lois tries to knee the thief in the stomach. Suddenly, Clark appears. He's wearing his bright red jacket and a blue T-shirt. As a van is approaching, Lois kicks herself off of the criminal, but is falling backward right into the path of the oncoming vehicle. The headlights shine at her. Jimmy gets on a knee and starts snapping photos just as Clark superspeeds toward Lois. We pivot around in bullet-time as Clark rushes over. We see Lois, horizontal, floating in space. Clark taps the criminal on the shoulder, sending him flying back against the wall, then turns toward Jimmy. Clark is fast, but not too fast to avoid the camera flash. Clark manages to get Lois out of the way and then disappears out of there. The thief hits the wall and lands next to Jimmy. Lois blinks. She doesn't take long to wonder what happened. "Oh," she says, "I knew I got a good lick in." We're still talking about the fight, right? Because with Lois, you can never be too sure. Jimmy, meanwhile, is staring at the viewfinder of his Nikon. "Oh, my God," he says, "it's him!" He smiles. It's who? Wanna share with us? No? All right, well, tell us later, then.